ANAHEIM, CA-- --It’s April, and that means it’s time for the NHL’s annual tournament to determine which goalie can stay the hottest for the longest period of time. The tournament, often referred to as “The Stanley Cup Playoffs,” will end when the hottest goalie wins 16 games.

“Well, I certainly hope I can be the hottest goalie this year,” said Edmonton’s Dwayne Rolson, who has 87 saves in two games so far. “I’d love to be carrying that Stanley Cup. It doesn’t even matter how good my team is. Nothing matters, really, except me getting into a groove and getting some confidence and stopping the other team from scoring. In the NHL postseason, one man does make a team. The regular season is a little different, but those games don’t actually count.”

Rolson was acquired by the Oilers this season to be their answer at goaltender. He knows he has a lot of pressure on him, as goalies are the only players on the ice that matter in the NHL postseason.

“It’s part of being a goalie,” he said. “You have to accept the pressure and embrace it. You can be an absolute nobody on a nothing team, but if you can get in the zone for 16 games you can be holding the Stanley Cup when it’s all said and done. You can hold it if you lose, too, but then you’d have to ask one of the opposing players if you can borrow it while they’re doing their victory lap around the rink, and that’s a little awkward.”

Anaheim’s Jean-Sebastien Giguere knows all about hot streaks. During the 2003 Stanley Cup playoffs, he led his team all the way to the finals with his brilliant goaltending. In the end, the cup went to New Jersey’s Martin Brodeur, and Giguere hasn’t been the same since.

“That was a tough loss for me,” said Giguere, who had a 2.66 goals against average this season. “I really felt like I was destined to be a Stanley Cup winner. I mean as long as I’m in that zone, that place where I can stop anything, the other team has no chance. I do wish I had won it all, though, because I was going to do something really nice and let one or two of my teammates carry the cup around the ice. Because when you think about it, in a technical sense, I really couldn’t have gotten there without them.”

This year, Martin Brodeur may be on his way to another Stanley Cup victory. He has allowed only 2 goals in the first 2 games to the New York Rangers to give his team a decided advantage in the series.

Brodeur is hoping to build on the momentum of his first two games and ride it all the way to the finals.

“I’m feeling really good right now, really comfortable,” he told reporters after Monday’s victory. “I just want to get to that point where I’m stopping everything and the other team knows they’re not going to score. Your teammates skate around and play defense and score goals and stuff, but it’s really just busy work. All we really need is one goal and a whole lot of icing.”

Chris Kunitz of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks is putting all his faith in his teammate Giguere, but he also said there are other players on the ice who can have an impact in the postseason.

“The team with the best goaltending will win the cup every single year,” said Kunitz, who scored a goal in the Ducks 4-3 victory on Sunday. “It’s as inevitable. It’s always been that way and it always will be that way. But the goalie isn’t the only one out there. Sometimes a regular player can get red hot and start scoring goals left and right for no apparent reason. If you have that guy and a good goalie you can just plan the victory parade, or, since this is hockey, the small victory banquet in the basement of the armory.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.