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MIAMI--The Miami Heat were eliminated from the postseason by the Chicago Bulls on Sunday, becoming the first NBA champions to be swept out of the first round of the playoffs in 50 years. Despite the humiliating defeat, the veteran club is refusing to push the panic button.

“We’re still confident,” said center Shaquille O’Neal. “We just let a few slip away that we shouldn’t have. Having been swept out of the playoffs, our backs are against the wall. But we’re not pushing the panic button. We’re just going to turn up our intensity level and hope we can turn this thing around. Are the odds against us? Sure, but like I said, it’s not time to panic. If we lose five straight, then we can panic, because that’s not even physically possible.”

During the course of the season, the Heat have displayed a remarkable ability to turn it on and off at will and seldom lose their composure in the face of a challenge. Where other teams might see a season ending sweep, the Heat see an opportunity.

“We know what this team is capable of,” said guard Dwyane Wade. “We just need to dictate the tempo and make the Bulls play our style of basketball. It’s going to be incredibly difficult to do that now that we've lost four straight, but this team has no quit in it. We’ll just continue to let everyone doubt us, fly under the radar, and then – wham! – we’ll sneak up on everybody and…well, we haven’t figured that out yet. I’ll let you know after our players-only meeting.”

Wade and Shaq called a meeting after Sunday’s back breaking 92-79 loss in order to “set things right” and get everyone back on the same page.

“It’s going to be a good way for us to clear the air,” said forward Antoine Walker, who applauded Shaq and Wade for their leadership abilities. “Obviously, with the position we’re in right now, a lot of guys are frustrated and looking to get some stuff off their chests. There’s no way we should be down 4-0. I think that will be the theme of the meeting. That, and ‘why are we here?’ and ‘can we go home now?’”

The sweep at the hands of the Bulls was a fitting end to a season of turmoil for the Heat. Beset by injuries and a lack of focus, the team looked unmotivated and tired. Even Pat Riley took time off in the middle of the year to have hip replacement surgery.

Sunday night, Riley reflected on a turbulent season and his future with the Miami Heat.

“It’s a terrible position we’re in right now, but we only have ourselves to blame,” Riley said. “Coming into the season, we were a little cocky. Did we get spoiled a little by our title? Yes, I think so. Did we somehow all get extremely fat and happy in the offseason? Yup. Is that my fault? Probably. I did tell them they were unbeatable and should spend their summer eating donuts and nailing groupies. In retrospect, that may have been the wrong message to send.”

The Heat may have been the best team in the NBA last year, but count the Bulls among those teams who were not impressed with this year's version. The Bulls routed the Heat by 42 points in the season opener, a game which would be a harbinger of things to come.

“From the second we kicked their asses in the opening game, we knew they weren’t so special,” said guard Kirk Hinrich who, against all logic, did a good job defending Dwyane Wade. “During that game they were practically sleepwalking. It’s like they expected us to just roll over and die. Ironically, that was probably the right approach for them, because even when they try their hardest, we still beat them. To paraphrase Bobby Knight: if a loss is inevitable, you might as well just sit back and enjoy it.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Heat Still Not Pushing Panic Button

May 1, 2007 Volume 2 Issue 93
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