When Ben Roethlisberger injured his face in a June12 motorcycle accident, it was widely assumed that he would not be ready for the team’s season opener on September 7th. However, Roethlisberger defied the odds and heroically returned for Saturday’s preseason game against the Arizona Cardinals. Remarkably, his face injuries seemed to have no effect on his throwing arm.

“That’s just amazing,” said Steelers coach Bill Cowher after watching Roethlisberger go 3-4 for 29 yards. “All those facial injuries can really hurt you as a quarterback, but Ben overcame all that. Actually the doctors overcame it. He just laid there. Really, when he came out of the hospital he was good as new. But still, it was amazing to see him out there throwing the ball despite having face lacerations that have completely healed. He’s a true hero.”

Roethlisberger showed no fear and no ill effects from his injuries. He even absorbed a sack and was able to walk away unharmed.

“When he absorbed that sack I got a little nervous,” Cowher said. “I thought he might have re-broken his face. I thought his jaw may have come unhinged and gone flying downfield. But then he got up and walked away like nothing happened. That’s what separates him from other quarterbacks. He's dumb enough to ride a racing bike without a helmet and courageous enough to overcome the injuries that result from it.”

Roethlisberger isn’t the only quarterback making a miracle comeback from injury this season. Carson Palmer, who tore his ACL and MCL last season, is attempting to return in time for the Bengals season opener, and Daunte Culpepper, who sustained a similar injury last year, has already returned and played in a preseason game.

Both quarterbacks have worked extremely hard all offseason and are having a hard time relating to Roethlisberger and his “amazing comeback.”

“Yea, Ben’s a real hero for being back on the field,” said Culpepper, who played one series against the Jaguars. “My knee was ripped apart in about fifty different places and I spent the offseason killing myself to get it back in shape, but I have to hand it to Ben – he did an amazing job of getting a bunch of stitches in his face. You can’t even tell he was ever hurt, except for the 9,000 times a day the media mentions it.”

Roethlisberger’s amazingness hasn't been lost on his teammates, many of whom did not expect him to return this season at all. Seeing him on the field for the first time since his injury was an inspiration to a group of players looking to prove last year’s Super Bowl was no fluke.

“Ben’s toughness and durability is only going to rub off on the rest of us,” said running back Verron Hayes. “Now if I get injured I’m going to rush back on the field even faster than usual. All of us are. We can’t sit out with some boo-boo now without feeling guilty. Did you hear that, Hines Ward, Mr. Hamstring Injury? Get your ass back on the field, pussy. You’re embarrassing yourself in front of Ben.”

Now that Roethlisberger has played his first game, the only question now is whether his face will survive the entire season. The training staff has advised him not to push it too hard by shouting audibles or looking downfield. Roethlisberger, in typical fashion, isn’t worried about a thing.

“It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry,” he said. “I feel great and I’m just happy to be back out on the field with my teammates. I appreciate everybody’s concern, but to tell you the truth, you’re all overreacting. My career was never threatened. I didn’t even miss any time. My only concern was that I wouldn’t be able to ride a motorcycle anymore. Thankfully, I will. And no, I won’t be wearing a helmet this time, either. There’s no need. After all, I don't throw the ball with my face.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.