Hockey Player Praying He Doesn’t Win Lady Byng Award Again

TORONTO- Alexander Mogilny, center for the Toronto Maple Leafs and winner of last years Lady Byng trophy, is reportedly praying he doesn’t win the award again this year.

“Oh, man. I really don’t want to win that award again. I appreciate it and everything, but I hope they give it to someone else this year. It’s just not worth the hassle.”

The award, given to the league’s "most gentlemanly player", has long been associated with soft, wimpy play in a league that puts a premium on thuggery and violence.

“Everyone in the clubhouse started calling me ‘lady’ right after I won it, and the name just stuck," said Mogilney. "Now everywhere I go in the league, people call me lady. Not to mention that I’m a much more attractive target for thugs to body check and beat up. I mean, who wouldn’t want to nail the Lady Byng award winner into the glass?”

League officials expressed surprise at Mogilny’s reaction to winning award. They perceived him as ungrateful and claimed that the award is a huge honor for any player to win.

“The Lady Byng award has long been associated with the gentlemanly style of play that Lady Byng herself would’ve been proud of," said commissioner Gary Bettman. “If Lady Byng was here today, she would thank Mr. Mogilny for his contribution to the game and his gentlemanly, delicate, soft style of play. We are sure that any player in the league would be thrilled to be given this honor.”

Mogilny’s only real competition this year, Adam Oats, was a favorite for the award early, but then dropped off the radar at the end of the season. League officials are investigating whether he ‘sandbagged’, or purposely sabotaged his chances to get the award by altering his style of play for the last few weeks of the season.

“That was really weird,” said Paul Lapierre, Oates’ teammate. “All year this guy doesn't get his hands dirty at all, a perfect gentlemen. Then I tell him he’s a candidate for the Lady Byng. That night he goes out and bashes some guys head against the glass, gets a 5 minute major. And for the rest of the year he’s just beating the shit out of anyone that crosses his path. I can’t say that I blame the guy though. They should just get rid of that award. It might as well be named the 'big pussy of the year' award. Because anyone who wins it is a big pussy.”