Horrible Player Demands More Playing Time

SEATTLE--Horrible NBA player Vitaly Potapenko recently requested more playing time from his team, the Seattle Supersonics. If the team refuses to accommodate the request he would like a trade, presumably to a club willing to give ample playing time to an overweight center with a career scoring average of 6.7 points.

On Monday, Potapenko spoke with reporters after practice about his desire to log more playing time.

“I’m disappointed in the lack of minutes I’ve been playing this year,” he said. “I expected to come in here and be the starter, but it looks like they’re going with a youth movement. If that’s the case, I’ll simply take my services elsewhere. They should send me somewhere I can start and be happy. They owe me that much.”

Potapenko even went so far as to suggest a trading partner for the Sonics: The Minnesota Timberwolves, who also have a star looking for a change of scenery.

“I keep reading that Kevin Garnett isn’t happy in Minnesota and that he could be had for the right price. So, let’see: Kevin Garnett wants to leave Minnesota. I want to leave here. Hello? Its pretty obvious. Come on, you’re getting a great player in KG that can do a lot of things for you. No need to get cold feet. Pull the trigger.”

Unfortunately for Potapenko, the Sonics have no plans to move him. According to head coach Bob Hill, he’ll come off the bench and serve as a backup for Johan Petro. Robert Swift, the rookie, will also see playing time.

“Right now we’re giving the bulk of the playing time to Johan,” said Hill, who recently took over for the fired Bob Weiss. “He’s just shown me he can do a bit more than Vitaly. Plus, Vitaly came into camp overweight this season. He hasn’t earned the starting job. What he needs to do is come to practice, work hard every day, and set an example for the younger players who have rendered him obsolete.”

Potapenko’s contract expires at the end of the season, which means he does have some value to the Sonics. The team can use him as trade bait or they can hold onto him in order to clear salary cap space when his deal expires. Either way, they’re in the driver’s seat.

“Vitaly doesn’t have a lot of leverage at this point. He’s not in a position to ask for more playing time or ask for a trade,” Hill said. “We could do a lot worse than sticking him at the end of the bench and taking advantage of that expiring contract. But whatever happens at the end of this season, one thing’s for sure: Vitaly Potapenko will not be in Seattle. He’s either going to retire, play in the NBDL, or sign a multi-million dollar deal with the New York Knicks.”

Vitaly Potapenko’s case is not unique. Horrible players often demand more playing time from their coaches. One of the greatest challenges of being a head coach in the NBA today is keeping everybody happy—including the shitty players.

“Guys are always whining about playing time. Every coach puts up with it,” said Hill. “These marginal players need to learn how to relax, sit on the bench, and collect their paychecks. There’s nothing to complain about. Life is good. You’r horrible and you’re still rich! It’s the American dream. You could be back in Eastern Europe selling pencils and standing in line for toilet paper. Show some gratitude.”

Potapenko and coach Hill met recently to discuss his situation The disgruntled center left the meeting with a clearer understanding of his role with the team, but did not rescind his demand for more playing time or a trade.

“Coach Hill was totally up front with me about my role here,” said Potapenko. “But with all due respect I would like to state once again that I want to play more. Play me now or trade me to someone who could use the 3.4 points and 2.7 rebounds per game that I bring to the table. We lost by two points the other night, so let's do some math: If me and my 3.4 points were allowed to play the whole game, we would have won. So maybe people should stop criticizing me, since we have even bigger problems, like a coach who can’t even do math.”