E. RUTHERFORD, NJ--Nets point guard Jason Kidd filed a restraining order against his wife last week, accusing her of “extreme cruelty” during their 10-year marriage. Days later, Joumana Kidd filed a restraining order of her own, making similar accusations against her husband and leading to fears that the messy court battle will cause Kidd and his teammates lose focus in their quest for the Atlantic Division title.

That’s why on Monday, a judge at State Superior Court in Bergen County ordered Joumana Kidd to cease and desist being a distraction to the New Jersey Nets.

“Joumana Kidd must immediately stop all action against her husband, Jason, that may result in his team being distracted,” Judge Samuel T. White said in a court order. “The Nets, while only 16-20, are in a great position to take the Atlantic Division and must not lose focus during this crucial stretch. Miss Kidd’s accusations, however accurate, are decidedly unhelpful and selfish. So cut it out, because the window of opportunity for Jason to win a title is closing.”

The lawyer for Jason Kidd, Madeline Marzano, applauded Judge White’s decision and said the cease and desist order was the best thing for her client, as well as the entire New Jersey Nets team.

“This is something that needed to be done, and fast,” said Marzano. “This whole ordeal is threatening to become a media circus. Coach Frank has his hands full enough just trying to get this group to play together consistently. He doesn’t need outside distractions seeping into his locker room. If the Nets don’t win this division, the fans can look in one direction: Joumana Kidd. And Jason Collins, who couldn’t find the bottom of the basket with a map.”

While Kidd has been playing well recently, his teammates believe his impending divorce is starting to weigh on him.

“You can definitely see it in his eyes,” said Richard Jefferson. “His energy level is down and he just seems a little distant. It’s tough to blame him, of course. His wife is really giving him problems. She seems to be quite the troublemaker. I mean, I understand her position and everything, but at some point you have to put that personal stuff aside and not let it creep into the locker room – like I did when I broke up with my girlfriend last year. Sure I was crushed, but I never said a word about it to my teammates. You know why? Because I’m not selfish. And because she was 16.”

According to the cease and desist order, Joumana Kidd is forbidden from attending Nets games, must stay at least 500 yards from Continental Airlines Arena, and must refrain from taking further court action against her husband until the season is over.

Her attorney, Raoul Feldman, said he is outraged by the unfair treatment of his client.

“This is an unreasonable and idiotic decision by the court,” said Feldman. “My client was served with a restraining order and accused of physical and mental abuse. She has a right to fight back, especially when she’s the one who has been the victim all these years. What does it matter if it’s a distraction to the Nets? This isn’t about basketball. This is about peoples’ lives. Furthermore, winning the Atlantic Division is for suckers. The real winner of that division will finish last and get a shot at the top pick.”

Next week, the Nets embark on a brutal west coast road swing that includes stops in Denver, Utah, and Los Angeles. For Kidd, the trip represents an opportunity to get away from the pressures of home and focus on basketball.

“It’s good that we were able to take care of that issue in court,” said Kidd, averaging 13 points and 9 assists per game. “It will be nice knowing that when I look up into the stands my wife won’t be there yelling at me, and when I sift through my mail, there won’t be any restraining orders or court papers coming from her. I mean, why couldn’t she just accept my original restraining order and move on? Why did she have to go all Michael Strahan’s wife on me?”

“I just look forward to the day when this is all over,” he added. “Not the divorce proceedings. My career with this depressing franchise. Talk about a marriage doomed to failure. Do the New York Knicks need a point guard? At least they’re mildly entertaining.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.