NEW YORK--The Knicks may be the laughingstock of the NBA, but they aren’t the only team that’s struggled this year. The Portland Trail Blazers have an almost identical record as the Knicks and have lost 11 games in a row, a fact that the Knicks players were quick to point out Monday afternoon at practice.

“Hey, did you guys hear the news? The Trail Blazers have lost 11 in a row,” point guard Jamal Crawford told reporters. “Pretty pathetic, huh? Talk about a laughingstock. I’m surprised the media hasn’t been hammering them about it. Not that I would wish that on them. I’m just saying, if I was a reporter I’d be having a field day with it. Probably be a refreshing change from writing about us boring old Knicks every day.”

Teammate Stephon Marbury was less diplomatic about the matter and blasted the media for focusing so much on the Knicks and so little on their Western Conference counterpart.

“What’s the deal? These guys are just as bad, if not worse, than we are,” said Marbury. “Their horrible. Plus, they have Darius Miles and Zach Randolph, two players who are just as annoying as anybody on this team. Yes, including me. Oh, and they have all kinds of ownership problems out there, too. They can’t even give that team away. What a bunch of losers. I’m so glad I’m playing here in New York instead of some backwoods shithole in Washington or Oregon or whatever.”

Marbury did acknowledge that his team has the higher payroll and has experienced significantly more off court controversy than the Trail Blazers, but said that shouldn’t give the Blazers a free pass.

“Yes, I know, we have the highest payroll in the NBA, so our last place record is a little more pathetic,” he said. “But the Blazers shouldn’t be let off the hook because of that. They have their own problems. Which reminds me, how’s Sebastian Telfair doing? I enjoyed that documentary about him. Riveting stuff. Just wondering: Has he lived up to the hype yet? Oh, I see. He’s averaging 8 points a game. Huh. I’ll be putting up 30 tonight in case anybody’s interested.”

While it’s true that the Trail Blazers have had a miserable season, they are young, rebuilding team with a reasonable payroll that has some minor hope for the future. On the other hand, the Knicks are a colossal failure with a frazzled head coach, a hastily assembled roster, and a payroll that leaves them financially crippled for years to come. In short, they’re much more interesting than the Blazers.

Blazers head coach Nate McMillan said the lack of attention has taken some pressure off his team.

“It’s good for us that the Knicks have been such a train wreck,” said McMillan, in his first year with the team. “If this was any other season we’d be the whipping boys of the league. We have a lot of problems. The best thing you can say about us is that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We have young talent and we’re not totally weighed down by salary cap issues. In 2 or 3 years we’re going to have a competitive team. By contrast, in 2 or 3 years the Knicks will be just starting another rebuilding project.”

Regardless of which team is worse, both clubs agree that 2005-2006 has been a season to forget.

“It’s been ugly since Day 1. There’s no denying that,” said Knicks rookie Nate Robinson, who scored 34 points in a loss against the 76ers. “I guess the only bright spot has been me and my surprising scoring prowess. I single-handedly almost won the game the other night. Single-handedly! Almost! Of course we lost because of my teammates. They just couldn’t get me the ball enough. It’s frustrating, because as a point guard there is nothing more important than your teammates getting you open looks.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.