Knicks To Revolt Against Larry Brown If They Can Get Themselves Organized

NEW YORK--The New York Knicks are tired of the criticism and the ridicule they endure every day at the hands of their coach, Larry Brown. They are tired of the constant negativity. In fact, some players on the team are so fed up they are ready to revolt against Brown – that is, if they can get their shit together long enough to get something organized.

“Goddamn it I’m sick of this shit!” yelled Jamal Crawford, as he punched his locker during a player’s only meeting yesterday. “I’m tired of being yelled at every day! I’m tired of being insulted and talked down to like I’m a child. I’m a man! We’re all men, and we deserve respect, dammit! I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready to take action. Let’s revolt! Are you with me? Huh? Come on, Eddy, get off your cell phone, man. And Qyntel, please stop playing video games. And where the hell is Frye? He was supposed to be here, too. Ah, fuck it. This team is hopeless.”

Larry Brown is known to use negative reinforcement when molding younger players, but the constant barrage of ridicule is weighing on some members of the team. However, other members remain apathetic.

“Yea, we all get a lot of shit from coach Brown, but those are the breaks,” said guard Qyntel Woods “It’s tough to take sometimes, but you gotta have thick skin in this league. I mean I’d like to revolt as much as the next guy, but it seems like an awful lot of trouble. And those things never work anyway. We’re better off just playing out the season and hoping to get cut at the end. Who cares? The world needs shitty teams, too.”

Crawford was puzzled by his teammates' apathy, especially since most players see Coach Brown as the main reason behind the team’s failures. He sincerely hoped that his fiery speech would rouse his comrades to action.

“Doesn’t anyone on this team even give a shit anymore?” he asked. “What has Larry Brown accomplished since he came here other than insult us? I thought it would be really good if we could go into his office, the whole team, in a show of solidarity, and say ‘Coach, we respect you, but we are not getting that respect back. Treat us like men, or we will tune you out forever.’ But I can’t seem to get everybody on the same page. I am glad I’m not the coach of this pathetic group. I sure feel sorry for Coach Brown.”

Ironically, Crawford’s attempt to rally his teammates against Larry Brown has led to a feeling of empathy for his coach.

“It’s funny, but I really am starting to see it from his perspective. There is just no togetherness, no camaraderie on this team whatsoever. Guys are constantly talking on their cell phones, listening to head phones, screwing around – it’s like being in high school again. The worst part is, I’m over here trying to be a role model and nobody is paying attention to me. If everybody on the team played like I do day in and day out, we’d be in a lot better shape right now, mostly because coach Brown would have committed suicide by now.”

When Brown himself heard about the failed revolt, he had mixed emotions. Part of him was happy that the revolt didn’t happen, while part of him was disappointed that the team lacked fire.

“Well I’m glad they didn’t decide to have some revolt, because those never work,” Brown told reporters after practice. “On the other hand, it would be nice if they'd show some fire every once in a while. Hell, I probably would’ve been impressed if they walked into my office and started yelling at me. These guys can't even execute a proper pick and roll. If they could've staged a coordinated mutiny against me, that would've been a real testament to how much of an asshole I really am. ”