Kwame Brown Postpones Breakout Season Until 2007

LOS ANGELES--Kwame Brown was acquired by the Los Angeles Lakers this offseason after three disappointing years with the Washington Wizards. The Lakers hoped that the change of scenery and the tutelage of Phil Jackson would allow him to have his breakout season in 2005. However, those hopes were dashed when Brown declared today that he was postponing that breakout season for yet another year.

“I don’t see myself having a breakout season this year,” Brown said, after scoring 7 points on 3-14 shooting against the Grizzlies. “It just doesn’t feel right. Besides, what’s the hurry? I’m 23 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me. I’m going to take a few months, get settled here in LA, and then tear it up next year. I’m going to kick ass! Yes! Until then, I recommend watching the Clippers.”

Brown is averaging 3.8 points and 5.3 rebounds per game this season. The Lakers were hoping for much more, but even the change of scenery has not been able to light a fire under Brown. Though he’s only 23, he’s a classic underachiever, a label that doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

“I guess if you consider how high I got drafted and how much physical skill I have, it’s easy to call me an underachiever,” Brown. “But that’s basketball for you. You never really know what you’re going to get when you draft someone. Hell, I didn’t even go to college. I was drafted based on ‘upside.’ Let this be a lesson to all you GM’s out there: When you draft a kid out of high school, you better be patient, because most high school kids are dumber than a bag of rocks.”

Dumb or not, the Lakers were hoping for big things out of Brown when they acquired him in exchange for Caron Butler and Chucky Atkins over the summer. So far he has been mediocre on defense and listless on offense.

“Kwame is still very much in a transitional period,” said head coach Phil Jackson, who is trying desperately to be patient with the youngster. “The triangle offense is tricky, especially for players who aren’t very good. I would say that Kwame fits that description. Can he get better? Sure. Will he get better? No. I’m horrible with young players. After putting up with me for a few months, he’ll be longing for his days with Michael Jordan.”

Brown isn’t the only one in a transitional period. Jackson, too, must get accustomed to his newer, younger roster.

“This team is a far cry from the group that I won all those championships with,” he said. “Needless to say, Kwame Brown and Chris Mihm are not exactly making me forget about Shaq. Luckily we still have Kobe. I know at the very least I can trust him to never, ever pass it to those guys.”

So far this season, Bryant has seized the leadership role in Los Angeles. In dealing with Brown, however, he has taken a vastly different approach than that of Michael Jordan, who berated Brown relentlessly.

“I know Kwame is a young guy with very little experience,” said Bryant. “But I'm not going to just start berating the hell out of him. I’ll let him make his own mistakes, and when he does I’ll refuse to speak to him. Then Phil will bench him at random times, just to mess with his head. Eventually he’ll have a nervous breakdown and probably have to take a mental health leave. After that he’ll be an empty shell of a man, so emotionally frazzled that the only respite from his inner torment will be to eat, sleep, and live basketball. Then I’ll start berating him.”

Despite the criticisms, Brown is standing by his decision to postpone his big breakout season until 2007, and is looking forward to the day when he will finally be vindicated.

“I know it seems like I should be an established player right now, but Rome wasn’t built in a day,” Brown said. “These things take time. If I came out this season and started tearing up the league, then I would have a bulls eye on my back and everyone would be gunning for me. This way, I can lay low like a cat, wait until everyone is complacent, and then ---wham!—pounce on them like a tiger. That's my plan, anyway. In reality, I'll probably just flame out of the league and end up on one of those 'biggest busts of all-time' lists--if I'm not already on there.”