CLEVELAND--Despite having one of the top players in the game in Lebron James, the Cleveland Cavaliers just can’t seem to get over the hump. They remain 14 games behind the Detroit Pistons and are teetering on the brink of another second half collapse. What’s worse, James' supporting cast is growing frustrated with his inability to make them any better.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t frustrated,” said guard Damon Jones, averaging 6.8 point per game this year. “I’m standing here waiting for Lebron to make me better and nothing’s happening. My shots still clang off the rim. I still play lackluster defense. I can’t even hit 3-pointers anymore. Apparently Mr. Selfish cares too much about his sneaker contracts to bother turning me into a serviceable NBA player.”

Jones often wonders if Lebron is a true leader or simply a flashy, me-first type player looking to put up big numbers.

“The great ones always make their teammates better,” he said. “Magic, Michael, Bird – these guys weren’t just filling up the stat sheet, they were distributing the ball and getting their teammates involved. They were being leaders. For us, it’s like, Lebron wants us to do everything, including making ourselves better. So again, it all comes back to selfishness I think. That’s why Lebron will never, ever win a championship unless the front office bends over backwards to provide him with guys who can actually play on their own.”

Other Cavs players gave examples of James’ failure to make them better, including Donyell Marshall, who was brought to the team as an outside scoring threat but has only averaged 9.8 points per game while shooting 38 percent.

“There have been plenty of times when I’ve failed to hit the big shot and I always look over at Lebron, like, ‘what’s going on?’” said Marshall. “Like this one time when we were behind by one with the fourth quarter winding down and Lebron passed the ball to me behind the 3-point line. Instead of doing the smart thing and getting it inside, I took the shot and it rimmed out. I couldn’t believe he passed that ball to me, especially since my shot selection can be so questionable at times. Larry Bird would never have passed that ball to me. Larry Bird wouldn’t have given me the time of day. That’s why he’s in the Hall of Fame right now.”

Because of his failure to make his teammates better, James must score 30-40 points every single night in order to give his team a chance to win. He acknowledges that the burden can be heavy at times, but understands it comes with the territory when you’re a superstar.

“I know I’m the leader of this team and I take full responsibility for our shortcomings,” James said. “I know it’s my job to make my teammates better, but that’s easier said than done. Drew Gooden is a nice player but he’s not Scottie Pippen. Ilgauskas is also a nice player but he’s not Shaq. There’s an old saying: You can’t get blood from a stone. Blood, of course, being a metaphor for All-Star caliber play, and stone being a metaphor for every one of my teammates. There’s no blood here, just lots and lots of stones.”

Still, there have been signs of improvement from the Cavalier as of late. They’ve won two straight and James seems to be heating up once again. Of course, if he cools off, the Cavs will collapse like a house of cards.

“I see some signs of life from our team and I’m hopeful going into the stretch run,” said head coach Mike Brown. “We actually had somebody other than Lebron hit the game winning shot other night against Chicago. It was Flip Murray. Lebron passed it to him and he took the shot and hit it. I guess you could say that was a good example of Lebron getting his teammates involved. Ironically, he was criticized for passing up that shot. If he took it and missed he would’ve been criticized even more. Poor Lebron. All he has is himself, his family, his agent, his sycophants, his fleet of Escalades, his sneaker contract, his pick of any woman in America, and about a billion dollars. Yet he can't get any sympathy from anyone.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.