SEATTLE--Washington Huskies quarterback Jake Locker announced Monday that he would return to school for his senior season rather than enter the NFL draft. The 6’3 junior was projected as one of the top quarterbacks in the draft, but wants to play one more year in Washington in order to pursue his ultimate goal of suffering a career-ending injury.

“I think I have some unfinished business here at Washington,” said Locker on Monday. “If I leave, I’m just going to get picked in the top five and paid millions of dollars. If I stay, I’ll have an opportunity that early entrants don’t have: to suffer a career ending injury before even earning a dime at the NFL level. How can you turn that down?”

Locker is blessed with above-average speed, a strong physique and an accurate arm, making him the most NFL-ready of all the quarterbacks in the draft, according to some scouts. However, he's hoping that with one more year of seasoning he can do some serious damage to his draft stock.

“Historically, when highly touted players return to school for their senior years, bad things happen,” said Locker. “I might have a miserable year, the team might stink, and, of course, I might tear both my ACL’s and never play again. In other words, I have history on my side. If I play my cards right I might totally destroy my career.”

Locker consulted with his family and his coach, Steve Sarkisian, to help him with his decision. While Sarkisian said he would support any decision his quarterback made, he admitted to be a little surprised by the choice.

“I thought he was going to leave, to tell you truth,” said Sarkisian. “The fact that he turned down all that money tells you something about who he is as a person: he’s nuts, obviously. He’s certifiable. I’d step over my own mother for that kind of money. In fact, as soon as somebody offers me a dollar more than I’m making here I’m out of this jerkwater shithole forever.”

Locker’s decision was also a disappointment to the team’s picking at the top of the NFL draft.

“That’s really disappointing,” said one GM, who asked not to be identified. “I know we were really looking forward to selecting the guy. We were going to shower him with money and perks. He would have been the toast of the town. And he's passing it all up. I guess for Jake, fame and fortune just aren't that appealing, which is good because being an insurance salesman offers neither of those things.”

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.