HOUSTON, TX--Friends and family of Chris Berman expressed sadness Tuesday night when a tape measure home run off the bat of Barry Bonds caused the popular sportscaster’s head to explode. The incident occurred during the home run derby in Houston, where Berman was providing commentary for the event. The affable analyst grew increasingly excited as Bonds crushed home run after home run into the Houston night. Finally, the hysteria became too much, and Berman’s head blew apart like a dropped watermelon.

Joe Morgan, who co-anchored the event with Berman, admitted that he saw the tragedy coming a mile away.

“Well, Chris was just very excited over all the home runs being hit, and I kept warning him to calm down,” said Morgan. “Every time a ball flew out of the park, he would scream and yell and act like he’d never seen a home run before. I kept saying ‘Hey, Chris, it’s only a home run. We see them all the time. It’s not the frigging moon landing.’ Of course, he disagreed. It’s just a real tragedy, though, because he is a great guy. He’s just a little excitable, that’s all.”

Morgan then described the moment when Berman’s head swelled to twice its normal size and exploded all over the set.

“I think it was right around Barry’s seventh dinger. Chris’s head got really, really red like it was ready to burst, and I told him to calm down, but he didn’t listen. Then number seven soared over the left field wall and Chris yelled ‘BANG! THERE IT IS! NUMBER 7! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? HOLY F—' And that was it. I heard a sound like a balloon popping and the next thing I knew I was covered in blood, guts, and brain matter. Oh well, at least he went out doing what he loved best—overreacting.”

After the explosion, chaos ensued. Players and members of the media gathered around the table, frantically using their cell phones to call 9-1-1. Bonds insisted his at-bat continue, but security personnel put a halt to the proceedings to let the ambulance through. Ambulance driver Terry Meinholz described the grizzly scene.

“It was chaos, really. There were people everywhere wondering what the hell just happened,” said Meinholz. “Everyone was screaming and yelling, women and children were crying, it was all we could do to make our way through the mob to get to the victim. The only person who looked relaxed was Joe Morgan. He was standing off to the side calmly wiping the brain matter off his suit. Makes sense, though. The guy’s never shown an emotion in his life. He’s like the anti-Berman.”

Meinholz explained that Berman’s head exploded as a result of an overabundance of blood rushing to the brain.

“That adrenaline caused a huge amount of blood to rush into Chris’s brain, which deprived his brain of the oxygen it needed to function,” he said. “As soon as that happened, the pressure began to build in the airtight chamber that was his skull and then—boom—it blew to pieces. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. The worst part was picking up the pieces off the ground. We were almost trampled by all the people walking around. Plus, Manny Ramirez kept playfully picking up chunks and throwing them at people.”

Players who witnessed the incident offered condolences to the Berman family and shared some of their memories of the venerable sports icon.

“Chris was the most animated person I’ve ever met,” said the Astros' Lance Berkman. “That old guy could get excited over an insurance seminar. He was kind of an idiot that way. That’s why I always used to change the channel whenever he came on Sportscenter, and I’d run screaming anytime he approached to interview me. Anyway, we’re all going to miss him.”

The Phillies' Jim Thome fondly remembered Berman as a “big, fat blob of hyperbole.”

“That guy would call a home run like he’s never seen a home run before in his life,” said Thome. “I mean, we’re living in the age of the power hitters. We’re living in a time when home runs are as routine as fly balls and groundouts. Not to mention Minute Maid park is about the size of my backyard. He should be ashamed of himself, that self-aggrandizing, showboat ham. Oh...was this supposed to be a fond remembrance? Um…he wore a lot of stylish suits.”

Berman’s family has issued a statement thanking his fans for all the support they have shown in this time of tragedy. The family is planning a large, public funeral for Berman followed by a small, private ceremony for family members. His body will be laid to rest at Calgary Cemetery in Bristol, CT, just minutes from ESPN world headquarters.

Sources close to the family said that Berman's headstone will be a tribute to his bombastic personality.

“The family wants to do something special to memorialize Chris,” said the source. “One thing they’re planning is a special message on the gravestone which will probably go something like ‘HERE LIES CHRIS BERMAN! HE WAS A SPORTSCASTER, A DEDICATED FATHER, AND HUSBAND, AND HE WILL BE MISSED TERRIBLY!! OH MY GOODNESS!! HE WILL BE MISSED!!’ Something like that. I think its kind of a fitting tribute to a man who could get excited about anything, even a goddamn funeral.”