FOXBORO, MA--The ultra-secretive Patriots took an aggressive step today to avoid commenting on quarterback Matt Cassell's future with the team. According to team spokesman Stacey James, Cassell was granted his unconditional release this morning.

“Matt is no longer with the team,” James said today. “We have waived him and he is free to seek employment elsewhere. We encourage anyone who has any questions to refer them to his agent. Now please stop asking us questions. We can't comment on other teams' players.”

The move came as a shock to many around the league who expected the Patriots to place the franchise tag on Cassell. But, according to a source familiar with the situation, all the talk about Cassell became too much of a distraction for the team.

“They’ve been getting bombarded with questions about Matt since mid season,” said the source. “It’s really been a distraction for them. So I’m told that Belichick just put his foot down and decided to get rid of the source of the distraction: Cassell himself. Now the team can move forward with its off-season plans, which now include signing another quarterback.”

Cassell was reportedly blind sided by the news, which he received via a cryptic late night phone call. Until then, he fully expected to be back with the team next year as Brady's backup.

“He was totally in the dark about the whole thing,” said the source. “He was under the impression that they were going to franchise him. But I guess the noise just got too loud. Too many people were asking questions. Everyone wanted to know what was going on. So they put a stop to it. In typical Patriots fashion, someone called Matt late at night and told him he was gone. He couldn't even figure out who it was, because the diabolical bastards used star-67 to conceal their identity."

Unfortunately for the Patriots, Cassell is telling his side of the bizarre story to anyone who will listen, including local Boston station, WEEI.

“The phone rang in the middle of the night and woke me up,” Cassell told WEEI this morning. “It was one of those creepy, distorted voices that sounded like a kidnapper demanding ransom. It was pretty freaky. The voice just said 'It's over.' I was like, ‘What’s over?’ And they were like, ‘I’ve said too much.' Then they hung up. The next day all my stuff was in a cardboard box on my doorstep.”

“I understand their desire to be secretive,” he continued, “but sometimes they can be a little too secretive, especially with injuries and stuff. Did you know Tom's been healthy since about mid season? He could have played, but they didn't want anybody to know his injury status.”

When asked about his plans for the future, Cassell said he will probably sign with a long term deal with the New York Jets and regress considerably.

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.