WINDEMERE, FL—The national media was profoundly disappointed on Monday when they learned that the woman taken from Tiger Woods’ home in an ambulance on Sunday was Woods’ mother-in-law and not his wife. His wife, according to some experts, would have made an incredibly cool story. “Goddamn it. I thought for sure that was the wife being taken away in an ambulance,” said Paula Stegman, senior editor at Us magazine. “You know, she freaks out, she has a panic attack, maybe has a minor heart attack and then is rushed to the hospital with Woods in tow. Talk about drama! That would be like a movie. Unfortunately it was only his mother-in-law. Lame. This story is losing steam pretty quick. Tiger owes it to his public to ramp it up a notch.”