Get Football Picks, Basketball Picks , Baseball Picks and play Free Fantasy Football, Fantasy Basketball and more at PicksPal

MILWAUKEE--As part of an effort to make Chinese basketball player Yi Jianlian feel more at home in the city of Milwaukee, officials have converted a downtown Burger King into a Chinese cultural center, complete with an art gallery where the kitchen used to be, a Chinese history exhibit in the space that used to be the cashier’s counter, a performance auditorium in the dining room, and a men’s room in the area that used to be the men’s room.

City and state officials are hoping the new cultural center will prove to Yi that Milwaukee has a rich Chinese heritage.

“Here in Milwaukee we have a rich history of Chinese-ness,” said Senator Herb Kohl, “In fact, we have our very own Chinese cultural center, where Chinese people can meet and talk about Chinese history and stuff. Like the community itself, the center is small yet steeped in history and culture, and it smells vaguely of french fries – the building, I mean, not the community. And that smell should go away soon because we have more air fresheners than people in there right now.”

While taking reporters on a tour of the new cultural center, Senator Kohl pointed out the many features that make it a one-stop place for everything Chinese.

“As you can see, we have a great art gallery here full of beautiful paintings done by Chinese people,” he said. “And we also have a large, framed document detailing the history of the Chinese community in Milwaukee. Over in the dining area right above the trash barrel is a picture of some guys doing karate, and in the space that used to be the ladies’ room there is a memorial to Pat Morita, who was a regular on Happy Days and probably showed up on Laverne and Shirley a few times as well.”

Kohl then introduced the director of the cultural center, Daniel Fong.

“Mister Fong has lived in the city of Milwaukee for – how many years? – twenty. Twenty years! That’s a long time. If this place was so inhospitable to Chinese people I’m sure he would have fled a lot sooner. Anyway, Mister Fong is a pillar of the community here in Brew City and he’s eager to meet with Yi and show him around town. Aren’t you Dave?”

“Yes. Yes I am,” replied Fong, addressing the reporters. “Milwaukee is a wonderful destination for Chinese athletes. We have numerous Chinese take out places and there is even a tiny enclave in the lower part of the city that is populated by Chinese people. Also, we have the Milwaukee Brewers, who have nothing to do with the Chinese community but don’t have anything against us either. Also, Yi was drafted by the Bucks so I don’t know why we’re doing this whole dog and pony show. Perhaps he should learn to play a little defense before he starts making demands.”

Despite Yi’s reluctance to join the Bucks, there have been signs recently that he may be warming up to the idea. Yi met with Bucks GM Larry Harris and head coach Larry Krystkowiak in Las Vegas last week and both men said the meeting went well.

The only hurdle now may be convincing Yi’s agent, Dan Fegan, to drop his opposition.

“Milwaukee is not the right city for Yi to play in,” Fegan said. “We want him somewhere like Chicago or Boston or New York that has a big Asian community that we can exploit for monetary gain. When I think of Milwaukee all I think of is beer and Germans. I don’t think of Chinese people. And don’t tell me about that bullshit cultural center. They built that three days ago out of an old Burger King, which is actually counter-productive, because Yi loves Burger King and now he has one less reason to live in Milwaukee.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.