ATLANTA--Atlanta Hawks coach Mike Woodson liked what he saw from his team yesterday in an intra-quad scrimmage and is now convinced they have what it takes to win an NBA championship. His players communicated well, ran the floor exceptionally, and played great team defense during the meaningless exhibition, leaving their coach hardly able to contain his excitement.

“I’m very, very excited about this upcoming season,” Woodson told reporters after the game. “In fact, after watching today’s scrimmage I’d say our team is basically flawless. I can’t envision any scenario where we would lose even one game. History shows that meaningless preseason games are a great barometer for how your team’s going to perform. That’s why I’m so optimistic. My only question is whether we’ll be able to repeat in 2008.”

Woodson is also impressed with second year player Marvin Williams, who was named MVP of the Utah Summer League.

“This kid is something special,” he said. “He really blew me away in the Utah summer league. He won the MVP. That means he’s better than a whole bunch of other rookies and second year players, many of whom won’t see a minute of action all year. That’s impressive. Do I sound like I’m being overly optimistic? Good, because I am. That’s what the preseason is for. There will be plenty of time during the regular season for reality.”

Woodson isn’t the only coach who is giddy with optimism this preseason. Coaches all around the NBA are marveling at how much their players have improved over the summer. Even Isiah Thomas is lauding his bumbling New York Knicks.

“It’s just a different culture here this year,” Thomas said. “We’re running the floor, we’re communicating on defense, we’re passing the ball – everything is falling into place. This team could go all the way. Of course, things always look amazing in training camp and then turn to shit during the regular season. This year is different, though. You know why? Because it’s 2006, and we’ve never had a 2006 before. That’s it. That’s all I've got.”

According to a survey of all 30 NBA coaches, every player has improved, every team is playing more cohesively, and all of them are going to open things up a bit more and spread the ball around this year. Consequentially, every team is expected to make the playoffs.

“This could be a historic year in the NBA,” said one scout. “From what I hear, there isn’t a bad team out there. The teams that sucked last year have returned with a renewed focus and filled every hole. Look at the Raptors, for instance. They needed a point guard and got TJ Ford from the Bucks. And the Bucks needed to get unload their crappy point guard and were able to do just that. Even Eddy Curry is supposed to be good this year. No, I’m just kidding. Nobody actually thinks that.”

The scout also pointed out that this year’s edition of the Lakers should be a much-improved squad now that Kwame Brown knows the triangle offense.

“Like a lot of teams, it could be the Lakers year,” he said. “Kwame Brown showed some promise during the playoffs last year and looks like he could be ready to breakout. And Jordan Farmar is their point guard of the future. The whole West looks great this year, actually. Even the Warriors have finally gotten rid of Mike Montgomery. They replaced him with Don Nelson, who’s much more entertaining than Montgomery. And like every other man, woman, and child in America, he’s a better coach.”  

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.