Falcons Already Sick Of Bobby Petrino’s No-Nonsense Approach

ATLANTA--Just three games into the 2007 season, the Atlanta Falcons are already sick of coach Bobby Petrino’s demanding, no-nonsense approach, with some players longing for the player-friendly, nonsense-filled days of Jim Mora Jr.

“When Coach Petrino first came here, we all embraced his no-nonsense approach,” said wide receiver Roddy White. “It was a welcome change from the way Jim Mora coached this team, and we felt that it would help change the culture in our locker room. Well, it has changed the culture in our locker room, but we’re still losing. And if we’re going to be losing, we’d rather do it with a guy who is laid back, player-friendly, and doesn’t have an offensive playbook that’s longer and denser than James Joyce’s Ulysses…yes, I read the book. Okay, the Cliffs Notes. Okay, my tutor read the Cliffs Notes and then she wrote a book report for me. Still, I saw it and it’s fucking huge.”

White did admit that if the team was winning, the players would be more enthusiastic about Petrino’s style.

“The fact that we’re 0-3 isn’t helping,” he said. “If we were, say, 3-0, we’d all be like ‘Oh, this new no-nonsense bullshit is just what the doctor ordered!’ But we’re not. We’re losing. We need a fresh voice in the locker room. We need someone with a different perspective, or we’re going to be stuck in this rut forever. Is Jim Mora Jr. available? He was a really nice guy when he was here ruining the team.”

One example of tension between Petrino and his players came Sunday when the coach had a confrontation with D’Angelo Hall after the cornerback committed a costly penalty during a key drive. Afterwards, Hall wasn’t shy about his disappointment with the current regime.

“Coach Petrino had some unkind words for me after I committed that penalty,” said Hall. “I didn’t appreciate that. He was like ‘You shouldn’t do stupid things to hurt the team’ and ‘It’s not all about you and your stupid retarded trash talking.’ I was like ‘the fuck?’ Coach Mora wouldn’t have said that. Coach Mora wouldn’t have spoken to me at all. He would have let me do my thing, because he treated his players like men. Bobby Petrino should just go back to Louisville where he belongs. Not that they need him. Apparently anybody can score 50 points a game with that team.”

With dissent growing in the locker room, there are whispers that Petrino has lost his players and is doomed to failure in Atlanta. If that’s the case, it would be the fastest a coach has ever lost his team in the history of professional football.

Still, some in the locker room are giving him a chance.

“I’m not giving up on Coach Petrino just yet,” said running back Warrick Dunn. “He’s only coached three games here and I don’t think that’s enough time to judge somebody. Sure his approach is starting to wear thin, but that’s bound to happen when you’re not playing well. Actually, there are only two real approaches in football: winning and losing. One makes you popular, the other doesn’t. I’m sure Bobby doesn’t like the losing approach any more than we do, though to be fair, he is really good at it.”

When Petrino signed with the Falcons, he expected to have the services of star quarterback Michael Vick, but Vick’s arrest and subsequent suspension from the league have shattered those expectations. But the coach insists he has no regrets about leaving college to coach in the NFL.

“I love it here. I have no regrets,” Petrino said on Monday. “Has it gone exactly as planned? No, but things never do. Right now we’re not playing well and that’s on me. The team is not buying my philosophy because it isn’t working right now. That’s just human nature. It’s like democracy. Everybody thought it was a great idea at first and now that it’s failing miserably we’re all clamoring to revert to fascist dictatorship. What, am I alone on that one?”

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