Clemens To Return In October To Pitch For Whoever Is Leading World Series

HOUSTON--Roger Clemens has kept the baseball world in suspense over which team will land his services this summer when he makes his return. On Monday, he put the rumors to rest and told the Houston Chronicle that he plans to return in October to pitch for whichever team is leading the World Series at the time.

“I really don’t know where I’m going to be playing at this point,” Clemens said. “My plan is to just wait for the World Series and sign with whoever is ahead. So like, if the White Sox are on top of the Cardinals 3-2, I could come in and pitch Game 7 for the White Sox. I just love those situations! Nothing gets my juices flowing like pitching the final game of the World Series for the team that placed the highest bid on me. That is what baseball is all about.”

Though Clemens has won two World Series’ already, he is still not satisfied, which is why he plans to return this year.

“My competitive fire is what’s bringing me back,” he said. “I just want to experience, once more, the thrill of being a part of a World Series team, and the only way I can guarantee that is to return while the World Series is going on. It makes a heck of a lot of sense, doesn’t it? At the very least, it will prevent me from partaking in the charade of ‘playing’ on a team for a few months. That’s starting to get a little old at this point, don’t you think? Nobody's buying it anyway.”

Under MLB guidelines, it is illegal for a pitcher to sign with a team during the World Series and then pitch the final game of that World Series. However, Commissioner Bud Selig called that rule “outdated” and said a compromise could be worked out to get Clemens into the game.

“That rule dates back to 1901, the first year we had a World Series,” Selig noted. “The game was different back then. They didn't even have a Roger Clemens back then. All we have to do now is make a couple of tweaks to the CBA and it will be nice and legal. Remember: Roger has been a great ambassador to the game. Who are we to stand in the way if we wants to make a mockery of it?”

Earlier in the offseason, Clemens indicated that he narrowed his choice down to three teams: the Houston Astros, Boston Red Sox, and New York Yankees. With the Yankees pitching staff in disarray, many expected the Rocket to return to the Bronx, including GM Brian Cashman, who was prepared to offer him close to $20 million.

“We had an offer on the table for Roger but he just wasn’t interested in coming out of retirement,” said Cashman. “It’s unfortunate because our pitching staff is a big piece of shit right now. We would pay pretty much anything to get him in here. If he changes his mind there’s still a $20 million check here with his name on it. Actually, he should just take the check anyway, whether he plays for us or not. As long as we get to pay Roger Clemens a bunch of money, we’ll be happy.”

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