CHARLOTTE--After losing 20-13 to the lowly Atlanta Falcons, the Carolina Panthers got another piece of bad news: the Fox Network, which owns the rights to NFC games, has canceled the rest of their season.

The Panthers 2007 season joins the docu-drama Nashville as the first casualties of the new fall season.

“Try as we might, we just couldn’t find an audience for the Carolina Panthers this year,” said a Fox representative. “We put them in a prime time slot for football, the coveted Sunday-at-1 slot, and it still lost out to CBS football as well as non-football-related programming like infomercials and bowling. So we decided to cancel the whole season. Unfortunately the 18-35's like it when stuff actually happens in a football game.”

The exec did say that the network would attempt to “re-tool” the Panthers for a possible return next season.

“It’s possible we could make some tweaks here and there to make it more appealing to viewers,” he said. “I’m thinking maybe some song and dance numbers, possibly a steamy romance between two vampire detectives, some explosions, and maybe a few lesbians. Also, a coach who doesn’t have his head buried up his ass.”

The decision was made minutes after the Panthers dispiriting loss to the Atlanta Falcons, which garnered an unimpressive 0.0 rating in the Panthers’ hometown of Charlotte. The Fox Network informed owner Jerry Richardson of the decision via email.

Said Richardson: “I received a message from Fox stating that they were sorry, but our season had been canceled due to lack of interest. Apparently the general public just wasn’t ready for a show about a hard-luck coach and his lovable band of misfit players trying to learn the game of football.”

“I’m just glad we weren’t the first thing canceled this fall,” he added. “That honor goes to Nashville. Hah. Losers. Like anybody cares about a bunch of country music dorks trying to land a record deal. At least our show provided some entertainment whenever our starting quarterback dropped back to pass.”

With their season over, many in the Panthers organization face a cloudy future, including coach John Fox, who has failed to turn this team into a legitimate contender, and GM Marty Hurney, who built a roster bereft of championship-caliber talent.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about my future,” Fox said after the announcement was made. “It’s on me to get this team ready to play every week and I haven’t been able to do that. And it’s not just this year either. I’ve been bad for a while. The only reason I stuck around this long is because of that one Super Bowl appearance a million years ago. Those were heady days, weren’t they? I thought we were poised to be the next great dynasty. But alas, it was not meant to be. The good news for Panthers fans is that these things are cyclical, and I’ll probably be wildly successful in my next job.”

By contrast, owner Jerry Richardson is said to be “furious” with Fox’s decision to cancel the rest of the season, especially since the team is still very much in the playoff hunt. Richardson believes the team should be able to continue playing even if Fox isn’t broadcasting the games.

“So just because we’re not on TV means that we have to cancel the season?” he asked. “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m sorry we’re not a big ratings bonanza, but we have a season to play. I think we should rally the troops, get back to practice, and take the field on Monday whether anyone wants us to or not. Come on! Let's protect this house!”

Unfortunately for Richardson, his players and coaches had already cleaned out their lockers and headed home for the season.

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.