BOSTON--Celtics guard Paul Pierce pleaded for the ball Monday night after Jason Kapono sprinted over to cover him in the fourth quarter of a game against the Raptors.

“Yo! Yo! Gimme the rock, motherfucker! Hurry” Pierce screamed at point guard Rajon Rondo while frantically waving his arms back and forth. “Yo! White guy on 34! White guy on 34! Let’s go, let’s go!”

When Pierce finally got the ball, he effortlessly glided past the white Kapono for an easy layup. The sequence was repeated throughout the fourth quarter, resulting in a 20 point victory for the Celtics.

“I saw Kapono come running up to me and I thought, ‘Okay, it’s Truth time,’” said a triumphant Pierce after the game. “Fortunately Rajon is good at getting the ball to the guy that’s being covered by a white guy. That’s one of the areas he’s really improved on this year. As soon as he sees white, the pass is off.”

Pierce then described the elation of seeing a white guy run over to defend him.

“It’s like ‘Wow, is this really happening?’ You can’t get the ball fast enough. So you just stand there waving your arms around, hoping that somebody notices the mismatch. Don’t get me wrong. There are some good white defenders. It’s just that they’re all dead.”

Rondo, who collected 14 assists in the fourth quarter, recalled the moment in the game when he realized Kapono was assigned to Pierce.

“I was setting up the play and all of a sudden I heard Paul screaming for the ball,” said Rondo. “So I turned to look at him and there he was, one-on-one with a white guy. I just tossed him the ball and started jogging back down the court without even waiting for the shot. I’m not sure why their coach went with that strategy. I’m thinking maybe he thought Kapono was one of those light-skinned black guys.”

Kapono felt he held his own against Pierce, and was quick to point out that many of Pierce’s baskets were highly contested.

“Look, Paul’s a great player and it’s tough for anyone to guard him,” said Kapono. “But I thought I did a pretty good job. I actually contested one of his fadeaway jumpers. On another occasion I got in an honest to goodness defensive stance. Yup, If there's one thing I can say for myself, it’s that I tried my hardest- or my name isn’t Mike Miller. Jason Kapono. Whatever.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.