MINNEAPOLIS--Following a loss to the Dallas Cowboys in which they gained a total of 196 yards, the Minnesota Vikings simplified their offensive playbook to one play in order to make things easier for second year QB Tarvaris Jackson. Jackson threw for 72 yards on Sunday and has a passer rating of 48.7 for the season.

Coach Brad Childress said he believes the “less bulky” playbook will slow things down for Jackson and help reduce his mistakes.

“We really need to simplify things for Tarvaris so he doesn’t get overwhelmed,” said Childress. “That's why we’ve reduced our playbook down to one play. We’re going to work on it all week in practice so we get it right, then we’ll just execute it over and over during the game. Of course there will be slight variations to the play so we don’t get too predictable. We’ll run it to the right for the whole first half, then for the second half we’ll run it to the left. That will force the defense to make some adjustments.”

Prior to the game, the play will be laminated and affixed to Jackson’s armband in order to ensure the youngster remembers it.

“It’s pretty common to do that for quarterbacks so they don’t get confused out there,” said Childress. “If Tarvaris forgets which play to call, he’ll be able to look down and see it on his arm. If he still can’t figure out what to do, we’ll just have him take a knee and then we’ll punt the ball away. I know what you’re thinking: that’s too conservative. Well, that’s not true. We have Tarvaris Jackson as our starting quarterback and Brooks Bollinger as his back-up. Simply snapping the ball is a gusty, bold play.”

On Monday, offensive players received the new version of the playbook and were ordered to memorize everything on the small index card in time for the next day’s practice. Players like receiver Bobby Wade were relieved at the simplicity of the new system, as it allowed them to focus all their energy on one play.

“Well, it’s good that we have less to remember,” said receiver Bobby Wade. “I think it will help all of us with our decision making, because instead of having to memorize a million different places to be, we only have to remember one, and instead of practicing a bunch of different formations we only have to practice one. Also, this play has nothing to do with me, so it’s really not that much different than our old playbook.”

The player who figures to get the most playing time in the new offense is running back Adrian Peterson. Peterson is one of the few bright spots on offense year, providing the Vikings with a top-notch rushing attack to go with their non-existent passing game.

“Oh look. That’s me!” said a delighted Peterson as he saw his name featured prominently on the new play-card. “I’m supposed to take the hand-off, go behind tackle and…I’ve said too much. Forget it. Let’s just say it’s a very safe, simple play that cannot possibly result in an interception - unless, of course, I fumble the ball and get caught under a pile and Tarvaris picks it up and tries to throw it to a receiver. So I guess it’s not really fool-proof. Damn.”

Childress said the new playbook would be in effect for the rest of this season, but could change in 2008 if the team makes some personnel changes.

“We’re going to sink or swim with it this year,” said Childress. “Next year, who knows? It all depends on the personnel. If we have, say, Brian Brohm or Andre Woodson, we might be able to change things up a little. If we still have our current personnel, we might have to simplify things down to no plays at all, which, at the very least, will get me fired from this miserable job.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.