Player Vows Never To Hustle Again After Hamstring Injury

LOS ANGELES--After being sidelined by a painful hamstring injury, Dodgers utility infielder Kevin Schultz has vowed never to hustle again. The injury was sustained while Schultz legged out an infield grounder in the third inning of a game against the San Diego Padres. He pulled up lame halfway down the line and was helped off the field by trainers. The injury landed him on the 15-day DL.

“Well, that seals it. I’m never hustling again. Never,” said a visibly frustrated Schultz. “I’ve already alerted my coaches and teammates. Hustling is for losers. Look at me. I’m sitting here not contributing at all. I’m totally useless. Next time I’m going to jog down the line and save myself the trouble. Who gives a shit if I get thrown out?”

Schultz has been struggling for playing time all season. With the Dodgers infield pretty much set, the 28-year-old career minor leaguer must make the most of his opportunities to play. Now that he has injured his hamstring in a misguided attempt to beat out a throw, Schultz’s entire season is in jeopardy.

“They might actually send me back down. I’m not positive, but it could happen,” said Schultz. “And I can’t even say that I blame them. What team would want a guy who hustled so much that he practically broke his damn leg? God, I feel so stupid.”

It is not the first time that Schultz has sustained an injury while hustling. Two years ago, while playing for the Rochester Red Wings of the International League, Schultz twisted an ankle while diving for a line drive. Some teammates are wondering if he’ll ever learn his lesson.

“That’s the second time that’s happened in his career,” said teammate Shawn Green. “Some people never learn, you know? I’m starting to think the guy is a space shot. It's just a sign of the times, I guess. People are always in such a hurry these days.”

Hamstrings injuries are considered the most dangerous types of injuries because of their tendency to linger and recur. Some players, like the Reds Ken Griffey Jr., have had nagging hamstring injuries for years. More often than not, they are the result of over-hustling by the victims.

“Hustling is a growing problem in the league,” said Dodgers trainer Jim Lacerte. “More and more players are injured every day as a result of legging out grounders, chasing after fly balls, and sliding hard to break up a double play. If the league doesn’t do something about this alarming trend, we could see an influx of pulled muscles, strains, and hamstring injuries. The players need to learn to slow down, and stop and smell the roses. After all, their going to get paid either way. And so am I.”

The Dodgers have not said whether they plan to send Schultz back down to the minors or keep him on the DL. Coach Jim Tracy is said to be pleased with the infielder’s hard nosed style of play, though he admits Schultz is lacking in common sense.

“Schultzie is a good kid and he plays hard,” said Tracy. “But I don’t understand his weird fixation with hustling. Jesus, kid, relax. What’s the worst that can happen? Are you going to drop dead if you don’t get to first? Is God going to strike you down? I don’t think so. Worst case scenario, you get thrown out and the team loses. Whoopdie-fucking-do. There’s 162 games in a season. We can afford to lose one.”

In order to address the growing problem of hamstring injuries, the Dodgers are being pro-active. Tracy has called for his players to attend a mandatory seminar explaining the proper technique for running down the base paths and fielding batted balls.

Lacerte will lead the seminar, instructing players on the most effective ways to avoid painful and nagging injuries. Among the techniques he’ll be teaching are “jogging”, “waffling”, “lollygagging”, and “moseying.”

“’Moseying’ is a tried and true method of going after fly balls in the outfield with minimum risk of injury,” Lacerte explained. “An outfielder who moseys over to a pop fly is half as likely to get injured as one who hustles. Those statistics are proven. ‘Jogging’ has proven extremely effective in avoiding injuries while running the base paths. How often do you see a player casually jogging down the first baseline pull up with an injury? Never. These are the fundamentals we should be teaching kids at a young age before this injury problem becomes an epidemic.”

Schultz is one player who need not attend the seminar. He knows better than anyone the perils of hustling and has made up his mind never to do it again.

“I’ll never, ever hustle again. That’s a promise,” he said. “I’ve learned my lesson. I agree with Jim, though, that hustling is something that’s learned at a young age. If we stop drilling into these kids’ heads how important it is to ‘try your hardest’ and ‘respect the game’ we’re going to end up with half the damn team on the DL. It’s just irresponsible. Kids, don’t ever hustle. If you do, you could end up like me. If you don’t, you could end up like Manny Ramirez. Now, which would you prefer?”