Prominent Player To Be Traded To High Profile Team, Unnamed Source Reports

BRISTOL, CT--Sports media outlets were buzzing yesterday when an unnamed source confirmed that conversations had taken place between two high-profile teams regarding the trade of a prominent player. The prominent player would be exchanged for a group of talented young prospects, said the source, and the deal is nearly complete. Despite the ambiguity of the report, the nation’s sports reporters hailed the potential deal as a “blockbuster.”

“This could be huge,” said ESPN’s Jayson Stark. “We’re talking about a very high-profile team, as is my understanding, and an impact player that could seriously shift the balance of power in whatever division he goes to, provided of course it’s a baseball team. If not, you’ll have to call my equally-uninformed colleague, Marc Stein.”

Stein, ESPN’s resident NBA analyst, appeared just as excited about the deal as Stark. Calling it “the deal of the century,” Stein scrambled to get information from his own various unnamed sources.

“I’ve heard from various places that this thing is a done deal. It’s signed, sealed and delivered,” said Stein. “One of my sources tells me it has to do with Kobe Bryant, and another one told me it involved the Detroit Pistons and Dirk Nowitski. Still, another person said the trade was Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. Oh, and some guy on the street mentioned that he thinks it might be Kevin Garnett to the Boston Celtics. And since I didn’t know the guy, I can technically quote him as an ‘unnamed source.’ You think I won’t? Come on, who do you think you’re talking to here?”

The revelation about an imminent deal has caused much speculation about which player, team, and league will be involved in the trade. The topic dominated sports talk shows for much of yesterday and today, and has shown no signs of letting up.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon discussed the rumor on their show Pardon the Interruption Monday. They interviewed NBA Insider Steven A Smith in an attempt to get to the bottom of the deal.

“Steven A Smith thank you for joining us,” said Kornheiser. “As you can imagine, pretty much everyone around here has been buzzing about this so-called ‘blockbuster trade.’ Steven, is there any truth to this or is it just a bunch of sportswriters shooting their mouths off?”

“Well first off let me say that there is truth to it,” Smith replied. “There are a number of NBA teams that are in need of an extra piece of the puzzle to get them up to the championship level. The way I see it, you’ve got your Garnetts, you’ve got your Duncans, and you’ve got your Iversons. One of these players will be wearing a different uniform next year.”

“Steven,” added Michael Wilbon. “Are you saying that this deal definitely involves an NBA player? Because the source has not named any particular sport, player, or team.”

“There’s no question in my mind that this deal involves an NBA team. My unnamed sources tell me that it may be a Western Conference team, although it could be an Eastern Conference team. Frankly, I don’t care if it’s an WNBA team, as long as it somehow involves me being on television.”

As the mystery surrounding the blockbuster trade deepens, speculation has begun to focus on the source that broke the story. The public is calling for him to reveal his identity, while the media is urging him to hold off a little longer.

“There’s no hurry for anyone to reveal anything about the source,” said Sports Illustrated’s Marty Burns. “Not until after my next column anyway. If I don’t milk this thing for as long as possible, I’ll have to write another damn article about the Kobe Bryant situation. Please don’t make me do it. Please, please just give me this one little rumor. I’m begging you. It’s all I have.”

Some writers have already begun to investigate the matter themselves. In Stark’s column, “Complete Lies,” the writer claims that his own unnamed source was informed by a high ranking league official that the trade involved the Dodgers’ Adrian Beltre, Manny Ramirez, and Chris Webber. The news prompted strong reaction from around the sports world.

“Wow, that it some kind of trade proposal,” said Peter Gammons. “Stark has really uncovered something here. I just can’t quite figure out how Webber would factor into this thing. Perhaps Webber will somehow be utilized by the Dodgers, possibly as a left-handed reliever. If this thing happens, it will be a landmark trade in the history of professional sports. I just hope I can trust the credibility of Jayson’s unknown sources.”