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ANAHEIM--Anaheim defenseman Chris Pronger was handed a one-game suspension after his brutal blow to the head of the Senators’ Dean McAmmond during Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals. According to the league, the suspension would have been much more severe had McAmmond died from the injuries rather than simply been knocked unconscious.

NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell called Pronger “a very lucky man.”

“Chris Pronger should consider himself a very lucky man at this point,” said Campbell. “That was a vicious, illegal blow that could have done a lot more damage than it actually did. The only reason we gave him a one game penalty is because the victim survived. If he died, we would not have been so lenient. Manslaughter, whether voluntary or involuntary, is met with a mandatory minimum two game suspension - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Too strict? I don’t think so. I don’t think you can be too strict when it comes to killing people, not with the image problems this league has had.”

Pronger was also suspended for a game during the Western Conference finals when he smashed Tomas Holmstrom’s head into the glass. As a repeat offender, Campbell warned Pronger that he was running out of chances.

“You can only bash people’s heads in so many times before the league starts to take notice,” he said. “I don’t care how tall you are or how physical you are, you have no right to commit assault and battery on the ice, even if the person was pretty much asking for it. And let’s face it, the way that asshole was skating around with the puck, he was begging for it. I kind of wanted to hit him myself. That being said, you can’t hit him in the head. Hit him in the body. It’s not like it’s a total waste of time. You can still cripple a guy like that.”

Pronger’s team did manage to win Game 4 without him in the lineup, but they are hoping this is the last time they have to play without their star defenseman in the lineup.

“We won, thank God, but hopefully this is the last time Chris gets suspended in a while,” said center Andy McDonald who had a pair of goals and an assist on Monday. “He is one of our best players and we really hate to be without him. Hopefully for the next game he’ll be able to refrain from delivering life-threatening blows to members of the opposing team. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Of course, if it’s late in the game and we have a comfortable lead, go nuts. Kill someone. Why not? You owe it to the home fans after all the support they’ve given us. ”

McAmmond, who sustained a concussion after Pronger’s hit, also sat out Game 4 and is even questionable for Game 5. Still, he’s not taking Pronger’s blow personally, as hits like that are just “part of the game.”

“It was a bad hit, but that’s part of the game,” McAmmond said. “You go out there on the ice and you’re risking your life. You go skating by with the puck and you’re just asking for trouble. Was it cheap? Yes. Was it the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my career? Hell no. It wasn’t even close. Ten years from now we won’t even remember this thing happened. Hell, I’ve already forgotten about it. I forgot my name too for a while, but that’s also part of the game.”


Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission.
This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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NHL Goes Easy On Pronger After Victim Doesn’t Die

June 5 , 2007 Volume 2 Issue 97
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