PORTLAND, OR--LaMarcus Aldridge, potential number one pick in the upcoming NBA draft, announced that he will not personally perform his workout scheduled for Thursday at the Bradley Center. Instead, he has hired a surrogate to work out for him to ensure that he doesn't do anything to hurt his draft status. The surrogate, Dennis Fern, is a member of the marketing firm representing Aldridge. On Monday, Aldridge said he made the decision based on advice from his agent. “This was my agent’s idea and I think it’s a good one,” said Aldridge, former University of Texas standout. “There’s no reason for me to go out there and try to do too much and try to impress these people when they already know what I can do. However, there will be someone there representing me. His name is Dennis. I hear he’s very good. And if you have any questions for me afterwards, feel free to ask him. He won’t answer them personally but he will forward them to my agent, who will throw them in the trash. Aldridge, however, decided to go a step further. “At first I decided to work out solo. I don’t need to go out there and get dunked on by some kid like Adam Morrison,” Aldridge said. “Then my agent, Arn Tellem, advised me that it might be best to have a surrogate work out for me. That way, all they have to evaluate me is game footage, and that’s where I am at my best – except for that one game in the tournament when I scored 4 points. We’ve destroyed all copies of that.” Scouts were disappointed to learn of Aldridge’s decision to hire a representative to perform his workout for him. Nevertheless, most of them still admit that would select him with the first or second pick. “Ideally you want to see a kid work out, at least by himself,” said Celtics GM Danny Ainge, who will be attending the workouts with his team’s scouting department. “But these days the agents and the representatives are extremely careful about exposing their clients to scrutiny. That being said, I do love Aldridge, and I actually think it was really thoughtful of him to send a representative to work out. I would have been pretty pissed off if I went all the way to Portland and there was nobody there at all. So he gets a few points in my book.” Still, other scouts said that Aldridge’s failure to work out could backfire on him. “No LaMarcus? Not even by himself?” asked one Western Conference scout. “Geez, that’s pretty extreme. If I was him I’d want to showcase my physical skills. Maybe his jump shot isn't all it's cracked up to be. Perhaps he’s not as strong or as graceful as everybody thinks. Maybe he’s not as impressive as someone like Tyrus Thomas. Now there’s a guy who is a future star. He can jump really high and those hoops are, like, 10 feet tall, so you see how that could be useful in the NBA.” Meanwhile, Aldridge’s representative, Dennis Fern, is working out all week to prepare himself for his showing at the Bradley center. Fern, 43, is said to be a “solid” free throw shooter who can see the court well. “This is something that I’m taking very seriously,” said Fern from his hotel room in Portland. “Since I’m representing LaMarcus I want to make a good impression. I don’t want to screw it all up and hurt his draft chances. The good thing is I am actually a decent player. I can run the court pretty well, as long as I have a few water breaks in between. Plus, I once hit 32 free throws in a row in my driveway, which, statistically speaking, makes me a better free throw shooter than LaMarcus. So there’s a chance I could actually improve his draft status.”
Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news. |
Draft Prospect Hires Representative To Work Out For Him |
June 13, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 47 |
Home | Previous Issue | Archives | Contact |