Ramirez Somehow Ends Up Back In Boston After 6 Player Deal

BOSTON--Manny Ramirez finally got the trade he wanted. Late last night, the Philadelphia Phillies, Boston Red Sox, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, and New York Mets completed one of the most complex deals in history, with Ramirez as a key component. In a bizarre twist, however, the left fielder somehow ended up back with his original team.

“This isn't what I had in mind when I asked for a trade,” Ramirez said, minutes after being informed about the deal. “When I first heard I was being moved, I was like ‘Yes!’ Then when they told me it was the Red Sox, I was like ‘Yes!’ Then after a while it dawned on me that the Red Sox were the same team I was on last year. Are they trying to confuse me here? Because it's working.”

According to MLB.com, the details of the trade are as follows: The Red Sox sent Ramirez to the Phillies for rightfielder Bobby Abreu and pitcher Gavin Floyd. Boston then spun Abreu to the Mets for Aaron Heilman, Kaz Matsui, and prized prospect Lastings Milledge. However, the Red Sox never had any intention of keeping Matsui, who they immediately sent to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in return for first basemen/outfielder Aubrey Huff and a player to be named later. Huff was then packaged with Heilman and Milledge and sent to Philly for Ramirez.

“Yes! We got Ramirez!” Red Sox co-GM Jed Hoyer said after the deal was consummated. “Whew, that was a pretty crazy deal. I didn’t think it would ever get done, but in the end all parties were willing to do it. So now we have Manny and we also have Bobby Abreu and Gavin Floyd. No, wait a minute. We don’t have Abreu anymore. We do have Heilman though, right? No? OK, well, whoever we have, it was a great deal because we ended up with one of the best clutch hitters in the game.”

The Phillies, who were thrilled to get Ramirez, were initially reluctant to trade him back to Boston. However the team’s front office decided that Heilman and Milledge, two of the Mets most sought-after prospects, were too good to pass up.

“We were pretty elated when we finally got Manny,” said Phillies GM Pat Gillick, “but we also new this deal wasn’t complete. When the Sox came to us with Heilman and Milledge, it was an offer we couldn’t refuse. Now all we need is a righfielder and another power bat in the lineup. Oh, shit. Ramirez was that power bat. Dammit! I know there was a reason we wanted him so bad.”

Ramirez’s agent, Greg Genske, said his client was still unhappy in Boston, despite the fact that they accommodated his trade demand.

“Well first of all, Manny appreciates the Red Sox efforts to accommodate his trade demand. However the fact remains that he’s still in Boston,” Genske said. “He really wants to get out of here. He loves Boston and everything, but there’s just no privacy here. He wants to go someplace where he can hit his 50 home runs, drive in his 145 RBI’s, behave in bizarre and inexplicable ways, and fly under the radar.”

Ramirez and his agent aren’t the only ones confused about the trade. Abreu thought he was going to the Red Sox, then realized he was going to the Mets. Upon hearing the news, he promptly requested a trade back to Philly, a request that Mets GM Omar Minaya has no intention of honoring.

“We’re going to hang on to Bobby. He’s a good player,” Minaya told reporters last night. “I think once he gets used to the idea of playing here he’s going to really enjoy it. We’ve got a great team. We’ve got one of the most bloated payrolls in the league. Let’s all enjoy these times of plenty before the shit hits the fan and they start the rebuilding project. At that point I will have been fired and hired by somebody else, and perhaps I will trade for him again.”

Meanwhile the Boston front office is still trying to convince Ramirez to rescind his trade demand. So far they have had very limited success.

“It appears that our recent trade has not satisfied Manny’s demands,” said Hoyer. “That’s unfortunate. I hope he appreciates the fact that we put forth an effort to deal him. I understand that he wants his privacy but that's something that's out of our control. Honestly, I don't even know what he's talking about, because I walk around Boston all the time in broad daylight and nobody says shit to me.”