Redskins Fire 17 Coaches Following Loss

WASHINGTON, DC--Following a disheartening 27-10 loss to the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, the Washington Redskins fired 17 offensive coaches, trimming their staff by by almost a third. The remaining 37 will be given the responsibility of turning the 0-2 Skins around before they fall out of the NFC East race.

Head coach Joe Gibbs said he regretted the decision, but felt it was necessary to “shake things up.”

“It’s always tough to fire people, but sometimes a good shakeup is just what a team needs,” said Gibbs on Monday. “I will miss them, though, especially Jeff, one of our wide receiver coaches, and Tim…Johnson? Jackson? Jackson, our special assistant to the tight ends coach, and of course there’s that blonde-haired, older guy who was one of our offensive line coaches. He was good. I’ll miss you…guy. Anyway this is a tough, bottom-line business. The upside is that we cut $48 million from our payroll.”

Gibbs indicated that they would not hire replacements for the fired coaches and would instead make due with what they have for the remainder of the season.

“We’re going to be working with a skeleton crew from here on in,” he said. “There’s only 37 of us left here and everybody’s gonna have to step up and do a little extra. The person I feel most sorry for is Mark [Brunell]. We let go 6 of his quarterback coaches. He’s only got 3 left now, so he’s basically going to have to be self-reliant when it comes to analyzing his performance. I can help him a little, though: His performance last night sucked in every possible way.”

The 17 coaches were dumped unceremoniously on Monday morning with no warning and no opportunity to save their jobs. Many of the coaches were stunned at being let go in such a manner, especially the ones who were hired in the offseason.

“This is a stunner,” said Rick Savoy, assistant coach in charge of left tackles. “I walked in today and a security guard stopped me, took my pass, and handed me a box full of my stuff. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to anybody. Is this because of our performance yesterday? Well, whatever. Screw Joe Gibbs. Good luck running this team with only two left tackle coaches.”

The Redskins will still retain their core group of offensive coaches, which includes Al Saunders, associate head coach for offense; Joe Bugel, assistant head coach for the offense, Don Breaux, offensive coordinator; and Jack Burns, offensive assistant.

Saunders believes the recent firings might help streamline things a bit.

“We have a lot of coaches on offense here and sometimes too many cooks can spoil the stew,” said Saunders, who was hired in the offseason from the Kansas City Chiefs. “No disrespect to the guys that got fired, of course. It’s just that we don’t need a handful of coaches for every player on the offense. It just complicates things. Plus, they weren’t helping. We only scored 10 points last night. We could’ve done that with no coaches. Hell, we could’ve done that with the Packers coaching staff.”

The firing of 17 coaches also served to send a message to the rest of the coaches, as well as the players, that nobody is safe.

“Jesus, 17 coaches?” asked tight end Chris Cooley. “I wonder if they'll start cutting players eventually, too. If they do, I wouldn't mind being the first to go. Seriously, being on this team is absolutely killing my fantasy numbers, and I’m my starting tight end this year. I knew I should have gone with Antonio Gates. Apparently I'm not the 'Sleeper of the Year' after all. Great call, Peter King.”

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