PHILADELPHIA--Searching for an innovative way to improve his team’s offense, Eagles head coach Andy Reid has come up with a plan to let his quarterback, Donovan McNabb, hand the ball to his running back, Brian Westbrook, and let Westbrook advance the ball with the help of his offensive lineman. Reid is hoping that the new wrinkle will add some versatility to his offense.

The coach said he plans to experiment with the running plays during the preseason.

“This is something I think could be very useful to our offense,” Reid said. “See, normally defenses expect you to throw, throw, throw the ball on every play and, of course, utilize the tail back as an extra blocker or a receiver. But that's old school. What we’re going to do is have Donovan hand the ball directly to Brian, who will then advance forward and follow his offensive lineman, who themselves will be adhering to a specific ‘run blocking’ scheme. Yea I know, I don’t usually go in for those gadget plays, but what the hell? It's not like our offense can get any worse.”

Reid’s breakthrough came during a meeting with his coaching staff in which they brainstormed ways to get the offense back on track. Assistant coach Marty Mornhinweg suggested running the ball more often, and the rest of the coaches agreed.

“I told coach Reid all about running the ball and how effective it can really be,” said Mornhinweg. “He just looked confused. Then I showed him some film of other teams running against us, but he still looked confused. Then I put a helmet on and said I was Brian Westbrook, grabbed a football, and made pretend I was running through defenders. Nothing. Then I said ‘Look! I’m Brian Westbrook! I’m running with the football!’ And finally he said, ‘Okay. I see what you’re saying. Hand it to Brian and let him run.’ And that was it. Well, not really. I had to go through the whole thing again the next day when he forgot.”

Westbrook signed a 5-year contract extension with the Eagles in 2005 but has been used sparingly in an offense that focuses exclusively on pass plays. Now the playbook will feature a grand total of 2 running plays, and nobody is more excited than Westbrook.

“This is a big opportunity for me to show what I can do with the football,” said Westbrook. “I’m glad coach Reid finally came around. We have 2 running plays now: a hand-off left and a hand-off right– only coach Reid calls them ‘hand-overs.’ Whatever. He can call them ‘hand jobs’ for all I care. Just give me the goddamn ball.”

Westbrook hopes to talk Reid into adding more running plays as the season goes on.

“Hopefully he’ll realize that running is an integral part of the game and that almost all other teams do it,” he said. “Then maybe defenses will have to make some adjustments. It’s tough when they drop every single player back into coverage. Our offensive linemen tend to get bored.”

Reid’s announcement has drawn the attention of other teams in the division, who now must adjust to their revamped offense. Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams says the changes make the Eagles “a force to be reckoned with.”

“They’ve certainly improved with these changes,” Williams said. “Now the challenge for us is to make the proper adjustments. I think one thing we’re going to do is get into a normal run defense when the Eagles hand the ball off.  I just hope they don’t learn how to do play-fakes. Then we'll have to make some real adjustments, like developing a legitimate defensive game plan.”

The Eagles probably won’t be doing any play-fakes in the near future. Instead, Reid said they’ll focus on their 2 running plays and attempt to "mix it up" by adding 373 pass plays.

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.