Retarded Waterboy Not Sure Why He’s Such An Inspiration

GLEN FALLS, IA--Frankie Roberts has been the waterboy for the Glen Falls High varsity football team for 10 years. The 32-year-old mentally challenged man’s duties include distributing water bottles to the players and occasionally squirting the water into their mouths for them. Sometimes he collects the towels. He doesn’t do much else, but for some reason the team looks to him as an inspiration.

“We just love Frankie on this team. He’s such an inspiration,” said Ray Lawson, head coach of the Glen Falls High Tomahawks. “When we’re feeling down, he just lifts our spirits. Just looking at him makes us feel better.”

Roberts first started attending Tomahawk games in 1992. His family’s home is located just across the street from the field, and Frankie would walk over with his Dad, sit in the stands and cheer wildly for his favorite team. After a while, he became a staple at Tomahawk games and the players began patting him on the head for good luck before each game. In 1994, coach Lawson offered Frankie a job with the team, and he’s been the waterboy ever since.

“Frankie is just as much a part of the team as any of us,” said Matt Montross, quarterback for the Hawks. “He’s like family. Our old waterboy was such a drag. He was just a regular guy who never overcame any adversity. It would’ve been nice if he was mentally challenged, or at least in a wheelchair or something, but no. He was perfectly normal, and actually pretty smart. So we used to beat the shit out of him during practices.”

Frankie recalls the day he got the job with the Tomahawks:

“Coach Lawson needed someone to hand out water, so I said I’d do it. He was really excited for some reason. I was happy too, I guess. But its not like I was doing something real hard. I was just passing out water. I took the job because I felt sorry for the guy.”

Frankie isn’t just loved by the team. He’s a fan favorite, too. During last year’s big Thanksgiving day game against archival Danbury High, Roberts took the field at half time and worked the crowd into a frenzy with his cheering and towel waving. After that, the Hawks made an inspired comeback in the second half and ended up winning the contest 37-24.

Linebacker Terrence McAfee said that Roberts has become the de facto mascot for the team, rendering their old mascot, Chief Tomahawk, obsolete.

“If you ask anyone on the team who our mascot is, we’d say Frankie,” McAfee said. “Some teams have lions, tigers, bears, or bulldogs, but we have a little mentally challenged kid. Chief Tomahawk is a great guy and all, but lets face it, nobody really gives a shit about his stupid Indian dances. The guy’s Irish anyway.”

Roberts enjoys all the adulation, but admits to being a bit puzzled by it. Other than being a cheerleader and waterboy, the 32-year-old does very little to help the team win. Still, they rub his head every Saturday for good luck and carry him off the field after big victories.

“It’s fun being part of the team, but I don’t understand why I’m such a big inspiration to everyone,” he said. “The last waterboy wasn’t really popular at all. They used to beat him up. But with me, I’m like their pet. They carry me around on their shoulders, they hug me, and they touch my head. I guess when they see a guy that’s retarded, they think it’s cute. It’s not really that cute to me. I’d rather be normal and not so inspirational. Oh well, at least I get to hang around with the cheerleaders. Have you seen the racks on those chicks? Yaaaaaayyy!”