New Jets coach Rex Ryan held an introductory press conference last week in which he promised that the team would be more aggressive on both sides of the ball,“attack through the whistle” and “let the fur fly.” He also predicted they would lead the league in personal fouls.

“The New York Jets are going to attack,” Ryan told reporters. “We are not going to play to the whistle. We are going to play through the whistle. If you take a swipe at one of our guys, we’re going to take a swipe at two of yours. Sure, we might make mistakes, we might go down, but we’ll go down committing personal fouls. That’s a guarantee.”

Throughout the press conference, Ryan related in graphic detail what his defenders would do to opposing receivers, running backs, and quarterbacks. At no time did he mention actual football strategy.

“We’re going to rip the quarterback's helmet off and put our cleats in his face,” he said. “And if you’re a running back, we’re going to grab your face mask and break your faggot neck. Oh, and any wide receiver who dares go up the middle will find himself on an injury cart with a bunch of us fake-praying around him. We’ll lose about 75-0, but we will have sent a message that the Jets are coming, and we’re coming hard.”

When asked to go into detail about the team’s offensive strategy, Ryan had this to say:

“Offense? Strategy? Oh…um, we’re going to do that thing with the um…I Formation. And hand the ball off and then sometimes throw it to somebody who is open. You know, that kind of thing. Offense-y stuff. And we're going to attack.”

Jets players had mixed reaction to Ryan’s message. Some welcomed the drastic change in style while others had doubts as to whether it would actually result in wins.

Those on the defensive side of the ball seemed most supportive of their new coach.

“I really like the sounds of this,” said defensive tackle Kris Jenkins. “This guy is talking my language. Punch people in the mouth, then keep punching them until the whistle. That’s football. With coach Mangini, all we did was talk X’s and O’s and ‘stay home’ and ‘play disciplined’ and blah blah blah. Now we’re not going to be pussies anymore. We’re going to be tough like the Ravens, if you replaced Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, and Ed Reed with a bunch of people you’ve never heard of.”

Ryan has announced that offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer will be retained, which is a relief to most members of the offense, who feared he Ryan would bring in one of his own.

“It’s good that Brian ’s coming back. At least he knows the basics of offensive coordinating,” said one player. “As for Rex, well, he certainly is a big change from Mangini. But perhaps we could find a happy medium – someone less wimpy than Mangini and less ape-like than coach Ryan. I don’t know, Mike Shanahan? ESPN says he’s going to the Chiefs, so at least we know that’s one place he’s not going.”

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