MIAMI--Dolphins vice president of football operations Bill Parcells fired several white assistant coaches on Friday in an attempt to satisfy the Rooney Rule, which urges teams to consider minority candidates for vacant head coaching positions. Parcells believes the firing of the white guys should exempt him from having to interview any black guys.

“Hopefully the league will see what I am doing as a reasonable work-around to the Rooney Rule,” said Parcells. “If you ask me, this is more helpful than just bringing in some black guy for a mock interview. This is making a difference. The league just got a whole lot less whiter today.”

Parcells also suggested that some of the assistant coaching vacancies could be filled by minority candidates.

“We have plenty of openings now and we’re certainly willing to bring in some minorities,” he said. “I'm all for equal opportunity. Hell, I'm even willing to fire a couple of white front office workers if you want. Those people are interchangeable anyway. If you can copy tapes and do a Google search you can pretty much have the run of the place.”

Parcells chose to bypass the Rooney Rule because he had already decided on Cowboys assistant coach Tony Sparano and didn’t feel like going through the trouble of interviewing someone who wasn’t even going to get the job.

Commissioner Roger Goodell, who is a staunch supporter of the rule, said the league wouldn’t discipline Parcells this time, but insisted that he abide by the rule in the future.

“The fact that he fired a bunch of whites is pretty cool, but it’s not really the point of the rule,” said Goodell. “The point of the rule is to give minorities an opportunity to interview for head coaching positions - even if you don't plan on hiring them. I mean, Jesus, if Cam Cameron can get a head coaching job in this league, a black guy should at least be able to get an interview.”

On Monday, Parcells finally did agree to interview Vikings defensive coach Leslie Frazier, even though he said at the outset that he wasn’t getting the job. For Frazier, it was nothing more than a chance to do some networking with one of the most influential men in the game.

“I know this was a sham interview and I accept that,” Frazier told reporters afterward. “I really just wanted to use the opportunity to introduce myself to Bill and hopefully impress him enough that he thinks of me for future position. I actually found him to be quite pleasant. Plus he fired a bunch of white guys, which makes him kind of hero in my book. Ha. Losers. Have fun watching How I Met Your Mother, or whatever it is white people do in their spare time.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.