NEW ORLEANS--According to a story in the Times-Picayune, the New Orleans Saints are now looking to trade their top pick, Reggie Bush, for a third round pick in the 2007 draft. There haven't been any takers so far, but the team will continue to try and unload the next Gale Sayers on any team that is interested.

When reached for comment about the story, Saints GM Mickey Loomis admitted the team was disappointed in Bush’s performance and seeking a trade.

“We love Reggie Bush here,” Landis said. “He’s been a great teammate and a pillar of the community. However, his performance on the field has fallen short of expectations. With the money he’s making, he should be leading the league in every offensive category, or at least some of them. Maybe even one or two would be nice. Instead, he’s leading the league in running into walls defenders. Of course, we still think he’s going to be the next Gale Sayers, but not as a football player, as a public speaker. He’s so articulate! He’s going to do a wonderful job inducting Marques Colston into the Hall of Fame someday.”

Loomis said the Saints would be willing to pay Bush’s signing bonus if they found a willing trade partner.

“We are willing to pay him every penny we owe him from his signing bonus,” he said. “Then all you would have to do is pay him his yearly salary, which is still a lot, but remember: this kid can play. Have you seen the highlights of him at USC? I have never seen someone run like that before. He’s made some big plays in the pros, too, but they just don’t come quite as often. And he seems to have a, um, bit of a problem running between the tackles. But it’s a problem that can easily be solved by never running him between the tackles.”

So far, Loomis has received only lukewarm interest from other GM’s, many of whom seem to be turned off by Bush’s large contract and inability to make big plays against NFL defenses.

“The problem with a guy like Reggie is he’s too expensive and just not productive enough,” said one GM, who asked not to be identified. “Coming out of college, he really did look like the next Gale Sayers or Walter Payton, but those comparisons seem silly right now. He can’t break a tackle, he can’t find the open field to save his life, and he’ll never be anything more than a change-of-pace back. Of course, he does do a lot of charity work, which, in the great scheme of things, is worth exactly nothing.”

In the aftermath of the 2006 draft, there was a heated debate in the football community over the Houston Texans decision to select Mario Williams over Bush. The vast majority of scouts, fans, and experts felt the Texans had passed up one of the great football talents of the past decade.

Now, the Golden Boy is the one on the chopping block.

“Oh, they’re trying to trade him? Now that is funny,” said Texans coach Gary Kubiak, who endorsed the decision to go with Williams. “Boy did we ever get shit for passing him up. Now look who’s laughing. It’s us, the Houston Texans. Ha ha. Okay, so Mario probably wasn’t worth the first pick, either, but that’s not the point. The point is that our guy is less crappy than the number two guy, and that, in itself is a victory. For this franchise, it’s like winning the Super Bowl.”

If the Saints fail in their efforts to trade Bush, will they be able to salvage their relationship with him? According to Bush, yes. He said he has no problems with the team shopping him around, because “business is business.”

“I understand the business side of things, so I’m not going to take it personally,” he said. “I know that Mr. Loomis and Mr. Benson just want to do what’s best for the team. Still, I think I’m a lot better than they give me credit for. Just look at Sunday’s game: I rushed 11 times for a grand total of negative 5 yards. But see, those 11 rushes helped kill the clock, and probably, in the end, sealed the victory for us. If I had run for a touchdown like a dummy, that would have stopped the clock. Oh sure it would have padded my stats, but that’s not what I’m about. No, I mean it. Look at my stats. Could I be any less about padding them?”



Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.