2007 Sleeper Teams Prepare To Not Make Playoffs

SAN FRANCISCO--With the start of the NFL season right around the corner, pundits are predicting which teams are playoff bound and which teams will be residing in the cellar. The Colts, Patriots, Saints, and Bears are the popular choices to reach the Super Bowl, while the Jets, 49ers, Cardinals, and Redskins are the “sleeper teams,” which means they can look forward to missing the playoffs completely.

“I’ve been reading in a bunch of different places that we’re a sleeper team this year,” said 49ers coach Mike Nolan. “That’s not exactly what I wanted to hear. Sleeper teams never win the Super Bowl. They usually don’t even make the playoffs. The Cardinals were a sleeper team last year and the year before that. I think a few years ago even the Browns were a sleeper team. Hopefully this year we’ll totally bottom out so that next year we won’t even be a sleeper team. Then we might actually have a chance to surprise some people and get to the playoffs.”

The Arizona Cardinals know a thing or two about being a sleeper team. They’ve been one for the past three seasons and have yet to finish with a winning record.

“Being a sleeper team was exciting the first time, but now it’s just depressing,” said receiver Larry Fitzgerald. “It’s like the kiss of death. I can’t remember the last time a sleeper did anything. And don’t tell me about last year’s New Orleans Saints. Nobody picked them to do anything. So this year, a team who nobody is picking to do anything will come out of the blue and go deep into the playoffs. My guess? It will be the Detroit Lions. Bam! Now they’re a sleeper team, so they’re shit out of luck.”

Surprisingly, Fitzgerald actually believes the Cardinals are talented enough this season to be a non-sleeper pick to win the division.

“I think we’ve graduated to a legitimate threat to win the West,” he said. “We’ve got Leinart going into this second season, a revamped offensive line, a new coach who knows what he’s doing, and a bunch of draft picks that are ready to come in and contribute. I seriously think we’re the sl…dark horse to win it all this year.”

Over the winter, a new sleeper has emerged in the NFC to challenge the Bears and Saints for supremacy: the Washington Redskins. With up-and-comer Jason Campbell behind center and Santana Moss healthy again, some feel the Redskins are finally ready to live up to their vast potential, a fact that has players and coaches extremely concerned.

“What? Sleepers? Since when?” asked coach Joe Gibbs. “No, no, no. We are not sleepers. I don’t want to hear anybody calling us that stupid name. We stink this year. We have no chance. Jason Campbell is a retard. He can’t even get out of his own way. And the defense? Did you see the defense last year? Well guess what? It hasn’t gotten any better. We might – might – win five games this year. I’d actually say we’re a sleeper to go 6-10.”

It might be said the true sleeper teams are the teams that nobody is referring to as “sleeper teams.” Those would include the Oakland Raiders, Houston Texans, Cleveland Browns and a few others. All of the aforementioned teams feel a sense or urgency to take the next step this year before they earn the dreaded sleeper label.

“We definitely feel a sense of urgency this year,” said Browns receiver Braylon Edwards. “We’re being picked to finish in the cellar by just about everyone, and with good reason. If we don’t make something happen this year, we run the risk of improving in the off-season and being named a sleeper team next year, at which point we can flush the whole season down the toilet. Either that or we can continue to get worse and never run the risk of being labeled anything but complete losers. But I’m getting a little bored with that strategy.”

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