WASHINGTON, DC--Gilbert Arenas will be playing with a major chip on his shoulder next season, and this time it’s got nothing to do with the NBA All-Star game. Instead, he’s angry about being snubbed from the MLB All Star game, which will be held Tuesday at San Francisco’s At & T Park, minus one ultra-talented, fiercely competitive shooting guard.

“I’m not going to forget this one,” Arenas told the Washington Times yesterday. “I’ve been one of the best players in the league the past few years. How many players out there are better than me? How many bring what I bring every single game? Okay, so it’s the MLB All-Star game and not the NBA All-Star game. That doesn’t make it any less disrespectful. Jim Leyland, Tony LaRussa, watch your backs, because I’m putting up 50 against the respective basketball teams that represent the cities that you manage in.”

When informed that St Louis does not have a professional NBA franchise, Arenas modified his threat.

“Well they used to have one,” he said. “The Atlanta Hawks used to be located in St. Louis, so I’ll drop 50 on the Hawks next season. I just wish I could see LaRussa’s face while I’m doing that. Who’s not good enough to play centerfield for the National League All Star team? Exactly. Eat shit, asshole.”

Arenas, who averaged 28 points per game last season, was passed up for the MLB All-Star game in favor of unknowns like Alex Rios, Russell Martin, and Brian Fuentes. Arenas believes his star power far outweighs whatever minor contributions those players make on the field.

“28 points per game puts me right up there with all the greats in the game,” Arenas said. “Yet I can’t make the All-Star team over a bunch of deadbeats nobody’s ever heard of. Who the hell is Russell Martin anyway? Is he somehow related to Tony LaRussa? And Alex Rios? He must be a beneficiary of the old ‘every team must be represented’ rule. Oh, and lest we forget, the immortal Jose Valverde is on the NL roster. Somebody better alert security that he's a player so he doesn’t get tackled when he jogs on to the field.”

Arenas’ vitriol has caught the attention of Leyland and LaRussa, both of whom are puzzled by his reaction, especially since he wasn’t even on the All-Star roster in the first place.

“The guy wasn’t on the roster so I really don’t see what he has to complain about,” said Leyland. “It’s not like we had the choice whether or not to include him. Plus he’s kind of a one dimensional player. I’d much rather have Tim Duncan or LeBron James on my team than Gilbert Arenas. Hell, I’d rather have Danny Ainge. At least he has some baseball playing experience.”

LaRussa stuck a more diplomatic tone, pointing out that several deserving candidates are left off of the ballot each year.

“It’s tough because there are only so many roster spots and there are many deserving candidates,” LaRussa said. “Every year there are guys that should have made it but are left off. I guess the solution would be to expand the rosters. Until then, players like Gilbert Arenas are going to have to accept the fact that they were passed over. If it’s any consolation to him, the All-Star game is a gigantic waste of time for everyone involved, and I would rather die a slow, agonizing death than sit in this dugout for three hours.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.