2005 Sportsman of the Year: Video Game Michael Vick

When historians look back on 2005, they’ll remember a year filled with controversy, a year in which Terrell Owens and Drew Rosenhaus teamed up to ruin the Eagles season, Rafael Palmeiro was caught doing steroids, and the Minnesota Vikings threw a party that resulted in an array of criminal charges.

But 2005 had its share of heroes, too, and one man in particular rose above the fray, inspiring us with his grit, determination, and unparalleled athletic ability. That man? Video game Michael Vick, the Brushback’s 2005 Sportsman of the Year.

It’s impossible to underestimate video game Michael Vick’s impact on his team. In Madden 2006, he displayed the ability to score with his arms and his legs, and came up with big plays when his team needed them most.

It could be argued that no video game character in any sport has meant more to his team than Vick.

“Mike’s big play ability is, without question, tops in the league,” said Falcons coach Jim Mora, who often plays video games with his son. “He can just beat you in so many ways. One minute he’s throwing a deep bomb to Alge Crumpler, the next minute he’s sprinting down the field for a touchdown. Heck, he’ll even throw a block every now and then. That’s just the kind of player he is, and it’s why he always ends up on top, no matter who the opponent is. We’re talking about video game Michael Vick, right? OK because the real Michael Vick is very close to getting me fired.”

Since joining the league in 2001, Vick has been a favorite among video game enthusiasts because of his uncanny knack to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. At this year’s National Madden Championship in Miami, he stole the show with a game-winning, 85-yard touchdown run against the vaunted Pittsburgh Steelers defense.

Craig Durfee, winner of the tournament, credited his victory to Number 7.

“Mike Vick is something special,” Durfee said afterwards, clutching his championship trophy. “I thought I was out of the game until he pulled that 85-yard run out of his ass. It was a broken play, too. Once I saw that pass rush coming I started running, crossed the line of scrimmage, and hit the ‘X’ button. I don’t think one person even touched him. That’s why he’s the most exciting player in football. You watch him play and you think ‘This is why the Atlanta Falcons drafted this guy.’”

Video game Vick’s greatness rubs off on the rest of his team, too. Like all natural born leaders, he makes his teammates better just by being on the field.

“When you have a Michael Vick out there, you have a guy who is going to get his teammates involved and make everyone on the field better,” said Durfee. “He’s a lot like the actual Michael Vick, only he’s not wildly overrated. To tell you the truth I hope the actual Vick retires soon. The longer he plays, the less effective his video game counterpart is going to be. It’s like the Madden cover jinx in reverse.”

Vick’s thrilling feats in Madden 2006 have not gone unnoticed in the Falcons locker room and front office. Following the National Madden Championship, members of the organization were buzzing about Vick’s ability to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, in virtual reality.

“He’s amazing. Now I can see why they call this guy the human highlight film,” said running back Warrick Dunn. “He’s unstoppable. What makes it most remarkable is that he’s actually exceeding the expectations people had for him. He’s shown that it’s not just hype. He definitely has my vote for Sportsman of the Year. He’s a much more appropriate choice than that loser Tom Brady, who, last time I checked, didn’t have any 85-yard touchdown runs this year.”

In contrast to video game Vick, human Vick has struggled mightily this season, registering a 74.1 passer rating and throwing for only 2297 yards. However, his team is still standing behind him.

“Mike Vick is a guy we acquired for a reason, and we still believe he can take us to the promised land,” said Falcons GM Rich McKay. “No matter how bad the team does or how bad Michael does, we’re just going to keep saying that he’s one of the best quarterbacks in the league. We’re not going to criticize him based on wins and losses. We’re not going to acknowledge the evidence that we see before our very eyes. We’re just going to keep marching him out there and keep hoping for the best. Eventually he’ll suffer a career ending injury, and we'll be forced to replace him with a real quarterback. Oh well! Those are the breaks. ”

McKay also admitted that whenever he feels bad about acquiring Michael Vick, he settles down for a nice game of Madden 2006 and feels better immediately.