TAMPA--Once again, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are playing the part of spoiler in the AL East, having taken 2 of 3 from the Boston Red Sox over the weekend to push them into second place in the Wild card race. It’s a role they’ve come to relish over the years, and one they expect to play for the foreseeable future.

“Next year we should be even better than we are now. We should really be able to give some of the contenders fits,” said outfielder Carl Crawford, who recently signed a 4-year-contract with the Rays. “That is going to be fun. When the season is over, they’ll all remember the Tampa Bay Devil Rays as that team they underestimated because they were so sucky until they snuck up on them and won a series. Yes! I just wish there were banners for that kind of thing.”

Like many ballplayers, Crawford says the dog days of summer are his favorite time of year.

“This is the best time of year. This is why you play baseball,” said Crawford. “The stakes are high, all the games mean something, and there’s really no room for error. For us it’s a chance to show that, despite the previous125 games, the lack of depth on our roster, and the mountain of evidence to the contrary, we can play with anyone.”

Manager Joe Maddon tries to discourage his team from looking ahead, but even he can’t help checking out the schedule to see whose playoffs hopes they’ll be damaging in the coming weeks. It’s one of the perks of being a perennial spoiler.

“I always say to take it one game at a time, but I’m only human. I catch myself looking ahead sometimes,” he said. “It’s hard not to. You get excited for these things. If we had next year’s schedule right now I’d be looking at that. If we had the next 10 years I’d probably be studying them all and marking off the important dates. It’s a great way to kill time when my pitcher is walking the bases loaded for the third consecutive inning.”

Maddon hopes that someday his team will shed the role of spoiler and become a true contender, but that day appears far away. In a division with the Red Sox, Yankees, Blue Jays, and Orioles, a small market team like the Devil Rays is up against overwhelming odds.

“We’ll probably never have a payroll like the other teams in our division,” said Maddon. “We’ve done our best to hold onto guys like Carl Crawford and Rocco Baldelli, but the challenge now is to convince free agents to come play here. All I can say to those free agents is that Tampa is really a nice city, full of wonderful, friendly people, and we have a climate-controlled ballpark with catwalks and pictures of fish on the walls, and we have teal uniforms and a team bus with a fully functioning bathroom. Aside from steroids, what more can a player ask for?”

Despite finishing in last place each of the last four seasons, the Devil Rays do have their admirers in the American League. Teams like the Orioles, Indians, and Rangers have reasonably high payrolls and are neither contenders nor spoilers.

“In a way, I envy them,” said Rangers manager Buck Showalter. “We pay top dollar for the best players then hover around .500 all year, then get our meager playoff hopes dashed by teams like the Devil Rays, who really don’t give a shit either way. I wish I didn’t give a shit. That would make it lot easier when I get fired at the end of the season.”

Showalter then mentioned that he would be open to someday coach in the Tampa area.

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.