ESPN, Nike Team Up To Create New Sports Watching Shoe

MALIBU, CA--ESPN and Nike, two titans of the sports industry, have reportedly combined their talents to create a brand new athletic sneaker devoted entirely to the act of watching sports. The shoe, scheduled for release in time for the holiday season, combines several forms of the latest shoe making technology in an effort to build the perfect shoe for America’s favorite pastime.

“This ‘athletic’ sneaker will revolutionize the way Americans view their sports,” said Nike CEO Phil Knight. “We’ve teamed up with ESPN to create a shoe that is tailor made to watch sports, and more specifically, ESPN.”

The collaboration had been in the works for quite some time. ESPN president George Bodenheimer approached the Nike brass with the concept of creating a sneaker that would help ESPN get into the athletic apparel business.

“I figure Nike has sort of cornered the market on athletics and we’ve cornered the market on people sitting around,” said Bodenheimer. “So it would make sense for us to come together on a sneaker that could make a lot of people rich. Plus we’re both huge, evil, corporate behemoths, so it was a good match.”

Knight believes that they will have no troubles selling the shoes, simply because they’ve never had any trouble selling anything.

“Trouble selling it?” asked Knight. “Highly unlikely. Our marketing department will whip something up. You’d be surprised what people will spend 150 bucks on these days. Besides, haven’t you ever been watching sports and just wished you had a more comfortable sneaker? No? Well, you will. I told you, that’s what are marketing department is for.”

ESPNIKE plans to market their product in their usual aggressive style. The plan is to make the sports watching shoe the “next big thing” and advertise on billboards, television, and the Internet. With several athletes on its payroll, Nike isn’t expected to have a problem getting celebrity spokesmen.

“We’ve been brainstorming and have come up with some pretty cool ideas for an ad,” said Knight. “And they may not even involve professional athletes or celebrities. Check this out: there’s a roomful of totally hip, totally stylin urban looking dudes chillin out in somebody’s crib watching the basketball game, right? They all have their ESPNIKEs on. There’s a hip-hop song playing in the background, and they’re all of bobbing their heads up and down. Obviously, these guys know how to dress and act when they’re watching ESPN. Suddenly, in walks a couple of white guys, real dorks, and they’re just wearing regular sneakers, not our official sports watching sneakers. Suddenly the music stops and everyone in the room stops and stares at them. Who are these two white boys anyway? Then they look at each other and shake their heads. Then the music starts back up, they resume their bobbing and watching, and the white kids are feeling about this big. Serves them right for not wearing our sports watching shoes while watching sports. Not bad, eh?”

The new sneakers will arrive in stores around Christmas time, just before the Superbowl, the ultimate sports watching event.