Record 34 People Watch Stanley Cup Finals

NEW YORK--NHL executives celebrated today as the Stanley cup finals enjoyed a record setting season of television ratings. According to Neilson ratings, a whopping 34 people in the US tuned in to Game 7 of the Stanley cup finals featuring the Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. the New Jersey Devils. As a result of the ratings boon, the Cup finals finished next to last in the ratings for the first time in its history, narrowly edging out Brazilian Water Polo, which aired on ESPN Deportes, and finishing just behind the National Skeet Shooting Championship, which aired on ESPN2.

“This is a great day for the NHL,” said Commissioner Gary Bettman from his office in Manhattan. “Not only did we enjoy a sensational 7 game battle between two great teams, we set a record for viewership. 34 people in the continental US were glued to their television sets to watch the drama unfold, and we couldn’t be happier.”

The 34 people came from diverse backgrounds and every conceivable demographic. They included a married couple in Anaheim who left ABC on while they were cleaning out the garage, 3 people in New Jersey who were reportedly waiting for a fight to break out, and two small children in Ohio who thought they were watching the Mighty Ducks movie.

Commissioner Bettman, sitting in his office with his feet up on his desk, reflected on just how far the league has come since its infancy.

“Time was, we got absolutely zero ratings outside Canada. Now, with expansion and aggressive cross marketing, we’re reaching a much wider audience.”

The growth of the league in the US has been steady in the past couple years. Just three years ago, viewership for the hockey playoffs was in single digits. Last year, the numbers jumped into double digits with 13, and this year the number skyrocketed to 34.

Bettman, using a pocket calculator, determined that at the current rate of growth, the league would be able to compete with the NBA and major league baseball in less than 50 years

“Expansion has really been quite a boon to the league,” he said. “Ten years ago if you told me that people in Anaheim, California would be watching the Stanley cup finals, I would’ve told you that you were nuts. This year, we had 8 people in Anaheim watching.”

The league has undergone unprecedented growth in the last decade, with franchises relocating from Canada into All-American cities like San Jose, Anaheim, and Phoenix. The effort to bring the game to American audiences has started to pay off, with more and more Americans responding to the excitement of playoff hockey.

Says ESPN hockey analyst Barry Melrose: “There is just nothing like playoff hockey. No sporting event in the world can match the intensity and excitement of Game 7 of the Stanley cup finals. Anything can happen, and it usually does. It was only a matter of time before people started to catch on. All I can say is this: Look out skeet shooting. We’re coming up on your rear, baby.”