PITTSBURGH--The Pittsburgh Steelers lost to the Denver Broncos on Sunday 31-20, running their record to 2-6 and placing their playoff hopes in serious jeopardy. The surprising, demoralizing loss occurred despite the fact that it is unacceptable for a team of their caliber to continue to underperform.

“This is unacceptable. This is not acceptable,” said an angry Bill Cowher at a press conference after the game. “We cannot continue to play like this. We turn the ball over, we surrender big plays on defense, we get whipped on our home field – it’s just completely and totally unacceptable. I know. I said that last week, too. Well, now you can see I was serious. So next week when some other team is mopping the floor with us once again, keep in mind that I am not accepting it, for what that's worth.”

Cowher isn’t the only who refuses to accept anything less than perfection from his team. The Steelers players feel the same way. After the Denver game, several of them noted that their performance was “unacceptable.”

“We turned the ball over 6 times today. That is unacceptable,” said quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who threw 3 picks against the Broncos. “We are a Super Bowl team and for us to come out here in front of our home crowd and give the game away is just completely…what’s the word I’m looking for…unacceptable. And all of us, every one on this team, has to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what we need to do to help this team get back on track. And…okay I’m running out of cliches here. Oooh, I know. There needs to be some accountability here. So to sum up: unacceptable, look in mirror, accountability. And I need to throw it to the right team.”

Steelers players and coaches are at a loss to explain their recent woes. Coming off a Super Bowl victory, they have played sloppy, uninspired ball and appear to be a long shot to make the postseason. While they still have an outside chance to turn things around, it’s likely that the 2006 season will end in failure.

“I don’t get it. We go from winning the Super Bowl to being one of the worst teams in the NFL in a matter of months,” said receiver Hines Ward. “It just seems like we’re complacent this year, like we got our Super Bowl ring and now we don’t care anymore. That kind of attitude is not going to get it done. I’m actually tempted to call a closed-door, players only meeting about this. I won’t, though. I mean, the season’s half over at this point so who even gives a shit anymore?

After winning the Super Bowl, the Steelers vowed to return for the 2006 season and make another run at the title. Coach Cowher refused to let his team get cocky, instead focusing on their weaknesses and preparing them for a grueling, difficult title defense.

Now Cowher is wondering if that was the right strategy.

“I made a point after we won the Super Bowl not to let anyone get complacent,” he said. “I spent all of training camp talking about how difficult it was going to be for us to repeat. I even pointed out that it would be difficult for us to make the playoffs, because other teams in the conference have improved and we are playing with a bulls eye on our back. Now it looks like I was right. Ha! Vindication! Yea! I mean…it’s extremely disappointing.”

With a home game against the upstart New Orleans Saints next week, things aren’t getting any easier for the Steelers. Luckily, the veterans in their locker room are not giving up hope for the second half of the season, and have vowed to go down fighting.

“We owe it to our fans not to give up,” said Roethlisberger. “We’re 2-6 now and we just have to focus on finishing strong. The important thing is for us to get our swagger back and remember that we are the Pittsburgh Steelers, baby. Yes! We’re the Steelers! We will not lose the rest of our games. We will win some of them, hopefully, and then finish maybe 7-9 or something at least halfway respectable. Because finishing 2-14 would - drumroll, please-- totally unacceptable.”



Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.