WASHINGTON, DC--Just days after signing a record contract, Washington Nationals rookie Stephen Strasburg is demanding a trade to a contender, the Washington Times reports. The 21-year-old, who signed for $15 million on Wednesday, claims he simply wants a chance to win a World Series before he retires.

For now, however, the team has no plans to trade him.

“We have no plans to trade Stephen Strasburg now or in the future,” Rizzo said in a press conference on Friday. “Stephen is one of the best young pitchers in the game and will be a cornerstone of our franchise for years to come. Of course, everybody wants to play for a contender, but crappy teams need players, too. The good news is, in a few years he'll be able to say he was a part of the club that brought us back to mediocrity.”

Rizzo said he was surprised by Strasburg’s trade request, considering the youngster hasn’t thrown a pitch in the big leagues yet.

“This really threw me for a loop,” he said. “We just signed the kid, had this big ceremony to welcome him, and now he wants out. He hasn’t even thrown a pitch yet! Usually our players wait until they’ve seen at least seen one inning of big league action before they start demanding a trade – except for Ryan Zimmerman. He asked for a trade in college, before the franchise even came into existence.”

Despite the team’s public posturing, sources say they are listening to trade offers, though they would have to be “blown away” to make a move.

“The phone has been ringing off the hook but it’s going to take something earth-shattering for this to happen,” said one GM. “They should be open minded about it, though, because this could be a big boon for them if they play their cards right. Personally, I would take a package of Roy Halladay, Aaron Hill, a couple pitching prospects and some other crap like Vernon Wells for Strasburg. But I’m probably a little biased since I’m the general manager of the Blue Jays.”

For his part, Strasburg has promised to report to the team’s minor league club and do whatever is asked of him until Rizzo honors his request. But if the team doesn’t at least try to move him, Strasburg will be “very hurt.”

“I will be very hurt if the team doesn’t make an honest effort to honor my request,” Strasburg said. “I know for a fact there are a lot of teams out there that are interested. They should strike while the iron is hot, because they could get a great package of players for me and all they’re going to miss out on is one or two years of dominance followed by rotator cuff surgery and a swift, tragic decline.”

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.