Street Ball Tour Arrives In Miami; Residents Flee City

MIAMI--The Street Ball Tour, sponsored by And1 apparel, arrived in Miami today as frantic residents fled the city in terror. The traveling tour of urban youths frightened many senior citizens because of their gruff appearance and rugged street slang.

“Yo, we aint out to bother no one,” said ‘Alimoe’ a member of the Harlem, NY traveling squad. “We just here to do a little ballin, but some o’ dem old folks, they think we lookin to rob em or somethin. We aint lookin to rob no one, dog. We’re a basketball team.”

Nonetheless, swarms of cars lined the streets of Miami as elderly residents hastily packed their belongings and embarked on a mass exodus out of the city.

“When I saw that big bus roll in, I thought it was some movie star or something,” said Hal Worthington, 78. “But then when they got out, I realized something was wrong. They were all wearing really baggy clothes and had tattoos all over their arms. They were coming right at me. I said ‘Please, please take whatever you want, just don’t hurt my family.’ Then they left. I guess they had a change of heart. Truth be told, I think I intimidated them a little.”

Another resident, Mildred McGarnigle, 82, had this to say: “My friend and I were playing cribbage on my front lawn when this big fancy bus pulled up. I thought it must be the President, or maybe the Queen of England. Then I saw all these…these…thugs climbing out one by one. They just kept coming, like clowns from one of those clown cars. They were all scowling and cursing. We were so scared we got up and ran. When I told my husband he just said ‘That’s it, pack your bags, Mildred. We’re going to stay at your sister’s house for a few days.’ So we’re off to Jacksonville.”

The And1 Street Ball tour has had its share of misunderstandings on the road. The gruff looking bunch is harmless, but there are certain parts of America where they don’t quite fit in. For example, when the group stopped in an Omaha McDonald’s they were immediately maced by three women standing in line. Then the cops arrived and apprehended them for disturbing the peace.

“Those women were very brave,” said Officer Peter Neuheister. “They really stood up to those thugs. Who knows what they would’ve done had those gals not maced them.”

Alimoe indicated that the attire of the youths contributed to their confrontation and arrest.

“The cops said they arrested us cuz of all the And1 gear we was wearin,” said Alimoe. “Said it’s probable cause for arrest in like,13 states.”

The Street Ball tour takes the best “ballers” from the nation, dividends them into regions, and sends them around the country to compete with each other at playground and gymnasiums. The style of play is flashy, garish, high flying and energetic, and showcases each player’s individual talent and creativity. The sponsor, And1, started the tour to promote its apparel and to promote Street basketball.

“We knew there was this grass roots thing going on in inner city playgrounds that needed to be brought to mainstream America,” said Jay Suggs, President of And1. “So we thought the best way to do it is to bring these brothers around the country and show America how much talent there is out there on the streets. Yea, we had a few misunderstandings, but mostly it’s been a roaring success. Its just not smart to bring a busload of inner city kids to a rest stop in Nebraska. Or anywhere in Nebraska, that is. Place is fucked.”

But nowhere was the reaction so severe than Miami. The city’s large retired community was shaken up by the arrival of the youths, and the gangsta rap emanating loudly from the back of the bus did nothing to allay their fears.

“Oh, I never!” said Mabel Genasso, 79, who was sitting on her front porch when the bus pulled up to a stoplight. “The things they were screaming – it was terrible. Those boys obviously wanted to kill me so I immediately called my daughter and made her come and pick me up. By the time she arrived they were gone, but I left anyway. Better safe then sorry. For all I know they could’ve been going for reinforcements.”

Suggs admits that the Street Ballers are often misunderstood, but he hopes the tour can help open people’s minds.

“I know some of these people are old, but hopefully they’ll give us a chance. We’re just here to ball, and maybe they can watch and enjoy it. Of course, I guess if I saw these guys in a dark alley I would run for the hills, too.”

The worst encounter of the trip came on the second day in Miami. The team had left its hotel en route to the downtown blacktop courts when the bus got lost. Unfamiliar with the area, the driver drove around until he reached a quiet suburban community.

“I knew we were lost at that point,” said Will Eggers, the team’s bus driver. “We were supposed to be downtown and we were in the suburbs. I had one of the guys, Hot Sauce, get off the bus and ask some lady for directions. That was a mistake.”

According to Eggers, he watched in horror as the meek old lady kneed Hot Sauce in the groin and sprayed him with pepper spray. Once he fell to the ground, and the old lady began beating him with her purse. She didn’t stop until the rest of the team got off the bus.

“She ran like hell when the other guys got off the bus,” Eggers said. “I didn’t know an old lady could run that fast. And she kept hitting that damn MedAlert bracelet like someone was going to come rescue her.”

Said Hot Sauce: “I just was askin the bitch for some directions. Man, I ain’t been pepper sprayed since that time me and Main Event got in a fight with that cop. I forgot how much it hurt. Fuckin bitch. Get me the fuck outta Miami.”

But the old woman, Ursula McCain, 89, tells a different story.

“This young thug climbed out of a big bus and came running toward me. There was this awful screaming coming from the bus, and I won’t even tell you what kinds of things they were saying. That certainly is no way to speak to a lady. Back in my day, the constable would’ve brought those maniacs downtown and beaten them senseless for that kind of nonsense. Anyway, when he attacked me I did the first thing that came to my mind: I kicked him in the testicles. Then I maced him and beat him. But I tell you, I was defending myself. I’m just glad I took the self-defense class down at the Y. You never know when you’re going to need it.”