Pat Summerall Predicts Oilers Will Win This Year’s Superbowl

BRISTOL, CT--Pat Summerall, 74-year-old football commentator, has predicted that the Houston Oilers will win the 2005 Superbowl. The venerable icon also predicted that Warren Moon would win the MVP and that nothing could stop Jerry Glanville and his men from their quest to win the Lombardi trophy. Summerall made his prediction to Chris Berman during a taping of ESPN’s NFL Countdown.

“I’ll tell ya, Chris, it looks like the Oilers’ year this year,” Summerall said, after Berman asked for his Superbowl prediction. “Jerry Glanville has got his boys all revved up, and Warren Moon will silence all those critics who say blacks shouldn’t play quarterback.”

Berman then attempted to clarify his question to Summerall, stressing that he meant the 2005 Superbowl.

“That’s right. I heard you. 2005,” said Summerall. “And I’ll stand by my pick. It’s the Oilers all the way. They’re gonna dethrone Montana and the 49ers once and for all.”

Summerall added that, despite the Bills’recent dominance in the AFC, the Oilers combination of speed and size would overwhelm Marv Levy’s team.

“Marv Levy is a great young coach, but those guys just can’t seem to get it together in the postseason,” he said. “Houston’s got Bruce Matthews anchoring the offensive line and [Ray] Childress on the other side rushing the quarterback. They’ll get homefield advantage in the playoffs, and watch out. Anyone who’s ever played in the 'House of Pain' knows how difficult that can be.”

After the bold prediction was made, Berman tried to steer the conversation back to that night’s Ravens versus Falcons contest. Summerall was slated to provide play-by-play for the game.

“OK, I see you’re going with the Oilers. Well that’s fine, but can you tell me who you think will win tonight’s game?” asked a flustered Berman. “It’s a good match-up tonight between a couple of teams with intriguing young quarterbacks. What’s your take?”

“Baltimore has to rely heavily on its defense since its offense is a little weak,” said Summerall. “But that shouldn’t be a problem with Cal Ripken patrolling the middle of the field. Atlanta’s gonna have a hard time getting anything through the hole tonight, that’s for sure. If I had to make a prediction for tonight’s game, it would be Cowboys by a touchdown.”

“Cal Ripken Jr., of course, the sensational shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles,” added Berman, sweating profusely. “A fine, great, um…really good shortstop who might have been a good football player if he ever played football. Very interesting, to make the connection between the Ravens strong defense up the middle and one of the strongest defensive players in Baltimore sports history. And now we go to Chris Mortensen, God willing.”

Berman’s further attempts to cover up Summerall’s embarrassing gaffe were unsuccessful and awkward.

“Warren Moon, yes, quite a player indeed,” Berman said nervously. “Quite a player. He certainly did take that Oilers team to new heights. Pat Summerall, with a stirring tribute to a great player, Warren Moon, and a great team in the Houston Oilers. Can we take a break now? Please? Jesus Christ, don’t we have an SUV commercial to run? It’s been almost 5 minutes.”

After the appearance on NFL Countdown, Summerall made a guest appearance on FOX’s Best Damn Sports Show Period, where he made another wild prediction: San Francisco’s Ronnie Lot will take this year's rookie of the year honors.

“Have you seen this kid Ronnie Lott out of USC?” Summerall asked a confused and uncomfortable John Salley. “He’s got speed, he’s got power, he’s got it all. The 49ers drafted him, and I’m telling you he’s gonna be rookie of the year this year. Those niners have a good-looking squad again this year, but nobody’s gonna beat my Oilers. In fact, I already called Vegas and made a $10,000 bet that they’d win it all. The guy was happy to take the bet, too. He said I was a very smart man. Heh heh. Little did he know he was talking to a professional sportscaster.”