GAINSVILLE, FL--The NBA draft is fast approaching, and for many top prospects, it’s time to start working out, secure the services of an agent, and begin the painstaking process of covering themselves in tattoos.

“I don’t even know where to start,” said Florida’s Corey Brewer, who currently has no tattoos. “I’ve got a lot of ground to cover here. I guess I’ll start with my arms, then maybe go up to my shoulders and back, then get the obligatory calf tattoo, and then maybe I’ll get one on my neck. It’s going to take a while, though, so I better get started. There’s no way I am walking into an NBA locker room inkless. Sorry. I’d rather walk in wearing an ‘I Heart John Amaechi’ t-shirt.”

Brewer’s teammate, Al Horford, also has a lot of catching up to do in the tattoo department. The 6’10 forward plans to spend three hours per day at Miami Ink covering his limbs with Chinese lettering and tribal armbands.

“I’ve been scoping out a few pretty cool tats the past few weeks, and I’ve decided that Chinese lettering is the thing for me,” said Horford. “It’s so cool and intimidating! And no matter what bullshit you write, it always looks great. Frankly, I don’t even like tattoos, but I’m going to be an NBA player, so I have to at least look the part. Grrrrrr! I’m an NBA player! Not in my house! Take it to the hole! Okay, it needs work, but it will sound much better with the tattoos.”

Even the two biggest names in the draft, Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, are tattooless, but not for long.

“Okay I found a great Bible verse that I can put on my chest,” said Durant. “Here it is: ‘He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as craftsmen, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers.’ It’s from Deuteronomy. I’m not sure what it means, but I like it because it’s original. Nobody has that tattoo. Plus, I’m always looking for something to read in the bathroom, and that's certainly long enough to keep me busy.”

For tattoo artists, spring is the busiest time of year thanks to NBA draft prospects, but the crowds can be overwhelming. Veteran artist Jesse Lomeli, of Hollywood Electric in Los Angeles, sometimes wishes the NBA’s tattoo fad would just go away.

“It’s not that I hate the business, but it can get real busy, real fast around here,” said Lomeli. “Personally, I find it annoying. They all come in here looking to get covered up with sports slogans or family portraits or flaming basketballs or just a bunch of gibberish or whatever. I call it the ‘NBA makeover.’ Hopefully some day this fad will pass, and tattoos will once again be the domain of fat, drunk motorcycle riders, punk rock bands, and convicted murderers.”

Not all draftees are planning to get themselves covered in ink, however. According to a recent survey, a full 3 percent say they will resist the fad and stay away from the tattoo parlor.

“I’m not getting one,” said UCLA guard Arron Afflalo. “It’s just not something I’m interested in. I don’t want to end up as some old guy with a bunch of blue and black blobs all over his wrinkled, cracked skin, having to explain to horrified onlookers that these were once happening tattoos, during the big tattoo craze at the turn of the century. No offense to those guys who have tattoos, of course. The world needs people with poor judgment, too.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.