After sailing through the first half of the season with a staggering 59-29 record, the Detroit Tigers felt that a trip to the postseason was a certainty. Unfortunately, they've stumbled to a 27-29 record in the second half and their division lead has been whittled down to 1.5 games.

The recent swoon has caused many Tigers players to wish they won at least 10 more games in the first half.

“I thought we had a great first half, but looking back it would have been nice if we won around 10 more games or so,” said shortstop Carlos Guillen. “That would have put us at 69-19 and probably guaranteed us the division title. So if we don’t make the playoffs this year, we’re going to know exactly why: because we didn't play hard enough in the first half to allow ourselves to sit on our asses in the second half. I don't know what we were thinking.”

Unlike the first half of the season, the Tigers are losing a lot of close games due to an inability to manufacture runs and deliver with men in scoring position. They are a tired, tentative bunch hanging on for dear life while their lead slips away.

“Right now we are our own worst enemies,” said outfielder Craig Monroe. “We’re just a completely different team than we were earlier in the season. Remember what happened to the White Sox last year? Exactly. Not enough wins in the first half. We could be this year's White Sox. Let’s just hope that the Twins are this season’s Cleveland Indians and will fall just short at the last minute. Otherwise we’ll be the ones sitting at home and they’ll be the ones getting swept by the Yankees.”

Manager Jim Leyland says he’s not panicking yet, but he is nervous. He wants his team to get back to playing good, fundamental baseball, and forget about trying to tiptoe into the postseason.

“You can't just sit around and hope time runs out before your opponents can catch you,” Leyland said. “You’ve got to reach out and grab that division title. Right now we’re playing so bad that we might not even want to make the playoffs. We’ll just get our asses kicked anyway because we stink so bad. See, this is one of those speeches I have to make every few weeks to try to piss off my players and light a fire under them. It was a helluva lot easier a few years ago, when everybody was on amphetamines.”

For the Minnesota Twins, their 2006 campaign has been a mirror image of the Detroit Tigers. They stumbled out of the gate early and then turned things around on the strength of a resurgent offense and some dazzling pitching. To their credit, they never gave up hope of catching the Tigers, even when they were behind by 10 games.

“Hey it’s not over till it’s over,” said Twins first baseman Justin Morneau, who has put together an MVP-caliber season despite a slow start. “We knew all along that the Tigers would stumble, because they were just too good for too long. What happened to all those young fireballers, and the veteran leadership, and Jim Leyland the managing genius? Seems like it’s all falling apart now. It just goes to show you that you can get to the postseason by playing one good half. You just have to pick the right half.”

Manager Ron Gardenhire said he never worried about his team in the first half and tried to pass that confidence along to his players.

“We played so poorly early in the season that a lot of people just gave up on us,” said manager Ron Gardenhire. “But we believed in ourselves. See, you don’t have to start strong to make the playoffs. You just have to finish strong, and we’ve done that. So now that we have all the momentum we can just relax and cruise into the postseason. Mission accomplished! I just wonder who we’ll be facing in the first round.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.