FRAMINGHAM, MA--Robbie Blanchard, a 10-year-old suffering from leukemia, had but one wish in his short life: to meet his hero, Tiger Woods, and play miniature golf with him. Thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, that dream came true on Monday when the two met at a Putt Putt course in Framingham, Mass, where Woods crushed the bumbling youngster by 20 strokes.

Throughout the 18 hole round, Woods was his usual focused self, meticulously measuring each shot and pumping his fist after each ace.

“Get in there, get in there, get in there…Yes!” shouted Woods, as he marched down the green to retrieve another hole in one. “That’s five in a row. Watch out for this one, Robbie. It breaks to the left but it gets a little bumpy along the way. And whatever you do, avoid hitting it through the windmill. That thing leads you right into the stream. Anyway, let me know how you do. I’m going on to the next hole.”

In the end, Woods aced every hole but one, while Blanchard struggled to find a rhythm, finishing an embarrassing 23 over par. Blanchard, however, wasn’t interested in the final score. He was only interested in spending some time with his idol.

“I’m not too sad that I didn’t play well,” said Blanchard. “I just wanted to meet Tiger and spend some time with him. I wish he could’ve paid a little more attention to me, though. He really seemed focused on getting the best possible score and making sure I couldn’t come from behind. You know, when he gets a lead, forget it. You have no chance.”

Woods started off with 7 straight aces but missed on the 8th hole after being distracted by someone taking a picture with a camera phone. That someone was Robbie’s mom, Stacy, who got an earful from Woods for screwing up his shot.

“Aww come on,” Woods said as he watched his putt lip around the hole and miss. “Put that thing away. Goddamn it. Goddamn it! Nobody understands the protocol anymore. Are you done? Are you through taking pictures? Good, because if you do that again, I am out of here. Try explaining that to little what’s-his-face.”

For the rest of the course Woods put on a clinic, and by the 18th hole a large crowd had gathered to cheer his every putt. When he sunk his last hole-in-one, a relieved Woods waved to the crowd and then spoke to a reporter about his record setting day.

“You know this is a tough course,” he said. “It’s got a lot of weird angles and breaks and tons of little obstructions. I just tried to get in the zone and play a good round of golf. My opponent played well, too, but I just found that rhythm and was able to put some distance between us early on. Where is that kid anyway? Oh, he’s still on hole 6. Heh. One of those days, I guess. I’ve been there. Keep plugging away, Bobbie. Don’t get discouraged!”

Two hours later, Blanchard finished the course. Woods was long gone, but Robbie did get to share a smile and an ice cream cone with a representative of the Make-A-Wish Foundation, who said Robbie did a “great job” even though he finished with a 59.

“Robbie was wonderful and it was a really great day all around,” said Ty Weathers, director of Make-A-Wish. “He got to play some mini-golf and he also got to experience what it’s like to be thoroughly and mercilessly dismantled by the greatest golfer in history. He shouldn’t be embarrassed about the fact that he laid down and died like a dog. Tiger just has that effect on his opponents.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.