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SAN DIEGO--Citing the high risk of injury, the Chargers announced today that running back LaDainian Tomlinson will be held out of the 2007 season as a precautionary measure. Coach Norv Turner said it was “a hard decision” but the right one. “We’re going to miss having L.T. out there, but sometimes you’ve got to make the tough decisions,” said Turner. “You simply cannot throw your best player out there and risk getting him hurt. After all, what if we let him play and he suffers a season-ending injury? Then where would we be?” Turner took a subtle jab at the league for failing to address the growing number of injuries in the regular season. “People will criticize us for doing this, but we really have no choice,” said Turner. “If the league wants to see less of this they should really do something about all the amount of physical contact in the games. You go out there and –boom! – you’re getting nailed from all sides. The pads don't help either. And the worst part? These regular season games are all entirely meaningless. Not from a statistical standpoint, but from a philosophical standpoint. It’s all a big nothing. Why should we risk injuring our franchise player for that?” Fourth-year back Michael Turner will get the majority of the carries with Darren Sproles assuming the role of backup. Turner believes his team can still compete in the AFC West, despite the loss of their best player. “Of course we can still compete. We have a ton of talent on both sides of the ball,” Turner said. “Phillip is really coming into his own as a quarterback, Antonio remains one of the best tight ends in football, and we also have a stellar offensive line. L.T. is good, but he’s not the only reason people care about this team. We also have…hey, where are you going? Wait! Come back!” As of yesterday, Tomlinson was placed on the physical unable to perform (PUP) list. He plans to spend the season studying opposing defenses and playing the mentor role to Turner and Sproles. Though he admitted to be frustrated by the decision, he acknowledged it was probably the smart thing to do. “Obviously you want to be out there with your teammates, but you also have to be smart,” said Tomlinson. “It certainly wouldn’t help the team for me to be sitting on the sidelines in a cast. So I’ll just spend this year helping out Michael and Darren. I’ve always wanted to play the mentor role anyway. You get to hang out on the sidelines in your street clothes, listen to your iPod, and occasionally say ‘keep your feet movin’ or ‘stay low’ and then they do a puff piece about you on NFL Primetime.” Many players in the NFL sit out preseason games to avoid injury, but Tomlinson is the first to sit out the entire regular season as a precautionary measure. However, more players could follow as the league’s injury epidemic worsens. “I personally expect to see more teams follow in the Chargers footsteps,” said Chiefs GM Carl Peterson. “Is that fair to the fans? Yes and no. It’s fair in the sense that it will keep their favorite players healthy, and unfair in the sense that they won’t get to see them play. The other question is whether the fans will give us their money anyway. The answer is a resounding ‘yes,’ so who gives a shit if it's fair or not?” Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
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Tomlinson To Be Held Out Of Regular Season As Precautionary Measure |
August 28 , 2007 Volume 2 Issue 109 |
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