NEW YORK —Giants reserve tight end Matt Biemer traveled to Afghanistan last week along with a handful of other NFL players to visit with the troops fighting against the Taliban. After five days of talking with soldiers and experiencing what it’s like to be in the heat of battle, Biemer’s perspective on life was completely unchanged.

He did have a good time, though.

“I had a good time in Afghanistan. It was interesting,” Biemer told ESPN today. “I mean it was great to meet the soldiers and thank them and everything. I’m glad I got to do that. And there was some cool scenery. And I got to ride a camel. That’s basically it. I feel pretty much the same as I did before I went, except with a greater appreciation of how long it takes to get there.”

While in Kandahar, Biemer experienced first-hand the poverty and squalor that has become a fact of life for the people of Afghanistan. Nonetheless, it didn’t cause him to stop and think about how lucky he is to live in a country like America.

“Did it make me appreciate where I live?” asked Biemer. “No, not really. I was just thinking about how much sand there was everywhere. There was a lot of sand. Like, the whole place was sand. And that’s pretty much what I thought about. I still have sand in my shoes. I guess that’s the one thing from this trip that will really stay with me for a long time.”

At one point in the trip, Biemer’s group came under mortar fire and had to hide in a bunker for three hours. It was then that Biemer wondered if he would make it home alive. Fortunately, he did, and now he is able to move forward and start thinking about training camp.

“That was three hours of hell sitting in that bunker,” Biemer said. “I’ll never forget how frightened I was. It took me a good 15, 20 minutes to calm down after it was over. And those soldiers – I just can’t thank them enough. They risked their lives for me. If I ever go back there, I’m going to bring them an autographed football.”

Biemer was accompanied by Giants defender Osi Umenyiora and Commissioner Roger Goodell, both who were extremely moved by their experience.

Goodell called the trip “humbling” and “eye opening.”

“That was extremely humbling,” Goodell said on Saturday. “I tell you, it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It really put everything in perspective. We think we have it bad over here because of high gas prices and inflation, but those people are risking their lives every day. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again after taking that trip, which is good, because nobody really liked me the way I was before.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.