BRISTOL, CT--According to a report by ESPN’s Marc Stein, several teams are said to be “seriously disinterested” in acquiring the services of Chris Webber. The 34-year-old Webber, hobbled by bad knees, is hoping to catch on with a contender for the remainder of the season.

“Webber and his agent have been talking to several teams and many of them have expressed serious disinterest in him,” Stein wrote in a January 20th column. “So far, it looks like the Mavericks, Warriors, Pistons, Bulls, Cavs, and Celtics are the most disinterested, with the Lakers expressing minimal interest. So who’s going to end up with him? Most likely the Lakers. They’re not totally opposed to the idea, and they’ve actually returned his phone calls. Plus they need a low-post presence and he used to play there when his legs worked.”

The Mavericks have the roster spot for Webber and can afford to give him a lucrative contract, but they’re not interested.

“The Mavs are at the top of the list of teams that aren’t interested,” said Stein. “Their front office has been very active in not pursuing him. That being said, I wouldn’t close the door on this one entirely, mostly because it would give me one less thing to write about in this miserable column.”

Stein also mentioned the possibility that a surprise team could emerge in the Chris Webber non-sweepstakes.

“I’m hearing some rumblings that a surprise team could be ready to come forward and not sign C-Webb,” he said. “My guess is the Lakers. Since they’re the only team that’s even remotely interested, it would be a surprise if they suddenly expressed disinterest. So basically, there’s very little chance Chris signs with anybody this season. It might be time for him to take a page from Scottie Pippen’s book and go away gracefully.”

For Webber, that may be easier said than done. The former Piston is eager to return to the court for one more chance at an elusive NBA title. Though his body has been wracked by injuries, he still believes he can contribute in a part time role.

“I know I can play this game,” Webber said in a telephone interview. “I can definitely contribute 15 or 20 minutes a game for a contender. The fact that guys like Dikembe Motumbo and Darrell Armstrong are still playing and nobody wants me is simply retarded. I can finish down low, I can pass, I can rebound. I can even block a shot or two against guys like…well, Darrell Armstrong.”

Webber reiterated that his first choice would be a return to the Detroit Pistons, but said the Lakers and Mavericks would also be acceptable destinations.

“Obviously I have a special place in my heart for Detroit,” said Webber. “But I realize there may not be any room for me there. Los Angeles is another great option and I know they are interested. The Mavericks? Hell yea. Those guys are one missing piece from a championship. Oh, and I heard the Miami Heat might be interested, but um…no thanks. They’re already depressing enough without me.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.