NEW YORK--In an effort to increase the stakes in next year’s Major League Baseball All-Star game, Commissioner Bud Selig has suggested that players on the winning team be allowed to sleep with the losing team’s wives. The rule change would give players extra incentive to win and make the game more entertaining for the fans.

Selig today called the proposal “fresh and exciting.”

“This is a fresh, exciting way to inject a new sense of urgency into the game that has been missing for the past few decades,” he said in a conference call with reporters. “Obviously the rule about home field advantage in the World Series is not having the effect we intended, but allowing the winners to nail the loser’s wives will be a little different. I think this will bring out the competitive fire in the players. With the exception of their girlfriends and trucks, nothing is more important to these guys than their wives.”

After the 2002 All-Star game ended in a tie, Selig tried to appease outraged baseball fans by instituting a new rule stating that the winning league would get home field advantage in the World Series. Now Selig is looking to go a step further.

According to the proposal, players on the losing team would send their wives to the winning clubhouse immediately following the game. The winners would each be assigned a wife to take back to their hotel, and would be required to return them no more than 24 hours later.

“To the victor go the spoils,” said Selig. “I’m sure it will be devastating to the losers to know that their wives are sleeping with the winners. At the same time, it will be extremely rewarding for the winners. Some of those wives are pretty hot. And the ones who aren’t? That’s why the Good Lord invented beer.”

League sources say that the players are close to accepting the proposal, as many of them are dying to have sex with their colleagues ’ wives. Union head Donald Fehr said the idea was “interesting” and “potentially really exciting.”

“We’re always looking for ways to spice up the All-Star game and make it more exciting for the fans,” Fehr said. “This proposal is certainly a step in that direction. There are still a few details to be ironed out, however, like how the wives will be distributed among the players. Will it be random? Will the names be drawn out of a hat? Will it be arranged by position? Will I be involved? Please?”

If the rule change is approved it will be instituted on a 3-year trial basis, after which the league must decide whether or not to adopt it on a permanent basis. Surprisingly, the players themselves have been receptive to the idea.

“I’d be fine with that rule,” said one AL player, who asked not to be identified. “Let’s do it. Remember, this game is for the fans, and if they want to see a more intense contest, we are obliged to give it to them. Of course in the olden days, the players didn’t need any extra motivation to win, but that’s because they were such noble heroes. Plus they had greenies. We’re working clean here. Somebody’s gotta throw us a bone.”

According to an informal poll conducted by MLB, 80 percent of players’ wives would refuse to cooperate with the new rule change unless it provided them with an opportunity to sleep with Derek Jeter or Mike Piazza.

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.