Nation Explains To Yankees What They Should Have Done Differently

NEW YORK--Following the Yankees surprising playoff loss against the Cleveland Indians, the nation’s baseball fans, along with the sports media, helpfully explained to the Yankees what they should have done differently this season. Suggestions ranged from jettisoning A-Rod to firing Joe Torre to moving Derek Jeter to centerfield. All were ignored.

“The first thing the Yankees need to do to fix themselves is get rid of Torre,” said Red44, a poster on a popular baseball message board. “He can’t manage his pitching staff and he can’t motivate his players. The team is lackluster in the postseason. Also, he should have started Ian Kennedy. And he should have used Chamberlain more. I’ve been saying this shit all along, ever since they lost those first two games to Cleveland.”

Another poster on the same board advised the Yankees to sign “more guys like Scott Brosius” and less like Alex Rodriguez and Bobby Abreau.

“In the late 90’s you had guys like Brosius, Paul O’Neil and Jim Leyritz,” wrote Yanksfan4life. “Those guys weren’t all-stars but they always came through in the clutch. What the Yankees need to do now is go back to their old formula. Get rid of A-Fraud, Abreu, Giambi, and Matsui and bring in a bunch of Darin Erstad-type gamers. Then they should win the next several World Series. “

Helpful advice for the Bombers didn’t just come from New York. All over the country fans were weighing in on what the team needs to do to return to their glory years.

“Get rid of Mussina,” 30-year-old Red Sox fan Jeremy Reardon told the Boston Herald. “And Wang, too. That guy can't come through in the big games. Roger Clemens is older than the goddamn team and Philip Hughes is a fraud, too. They should have left all those guys off the postseason roster, which would have left them with...nobody. Okay so maybe I'm being a little too critical. Whatever. I'm not the manager.”

The most common piece of advice? Trade the team’s aging veterans for some young starting pitchers.

“Guys like Giambi and Abreu are good, but you’d be better off trading them for a couple starters,” said Bob Fickle, a Yankee Stadium beer vendor. “I think you could package those two for a Rich Harden or a Justin Verlander. Also, why the hell did Torre bring in Wang on short rest last night? He was horrible. He should have known he was going to be horrible. A good manager can always tell when his best pitcher is going totally shit the bed. I actually predicted it myself just as he was being pulled from the game in the second inning.”

Yankees GM Brian Cashman, whose job may be in jeopardy following another early postseason exit, said he has heard the nation’s suggestions but will probably stick to his own blueprint instead.

“Yes, I’ve heard all the wonderful advice from the think tank known as the general public,” Cashman said on Tuesday. “Trade A-Rod, don’t trade A-Rod, get some young pitchers, get rid of Mussina, get rid of Torre, keep Torre, get Joe Girardi in there, and trade Giambi. We did win 94 games this year. That’s still pretty damn good. It’s not like we have to blow everything up and start over again. All we have to do is get some young pitchers, ditch Mussina, fire Joe Torre and bring in Joe Girardi. See, you listen to me, people, and you might learn something.”

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